Locked-down celebs look to hang out with you
Now’s your chance to have coffee with the cast of “Friends” at Central Perk.
Or maybe you’d rather get a role in a Martin Scorsese movie? How about driving off in Meek Mill’s 2018 Rolls-Royce Phantom? Or slinking away in the gown Gwyneth Paltrow wore to the 2000 Oscars? Or flying on Air Drake to his concert and then partying with the rapper?
Co-host with Ellen? Batting practice with Aaron Judge? Direct a movie with Jonah Hill?
All of this and more is up for grabs — to be enjoyed when and if the lockdown’s done, naturally — via sweepstakes and auctions at the All In Challenge. With proceeds going to pandemic relief, the upstart charity is one big bucket list for fans.
It is also proof there are still a lot of rich peeps out there amid this cratering economy.
As of Wednesday morning, in one auction — the winner gets a private dinner with Tom Brady and tickets to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers home opener — the current bid is at $775,000 (U.S.). Want a private show and magic lesson with David Blaine? Current bid: $100,000.
A double date with Ciara and Russell Wilson? That is now up to $27,000, though presumably you aren’t on a date with one of them. Two tickets to a Leafs game — either at centre-ice glass or in a suite — and the jersey Auston Matthews uses that night? Current bid is at $9,500, though that might actually be cheaper than the scalpers prowling outside the
Scotiabank Arena.
This one time, a fast-talking maniac tried to unload two nosebleeds for like $700. I shouted, “Sir, are you out of your mind? If I unhand 700 bucks for a hockey game, my wife will give me a real nosebleed when I get home. Then she will come looking for you.”
But I digress. Are you digressing more in lockdown? I think avoiding this virus is infecting our brains. The other night, after the other humans went to bed, I was in the basement watching “Gravity” with my cat. Why did that movie get so much buzz? Ten minutes in and I just didn’t care that George Clooney was lost in space.
Even my cat was like, “Why are we watching this? Put on ‘Too Hot To Handle.’ ”
Then I remembered it was almost recycling day. So I ventured into the dark to cut up boxes.
As a kid, I used to have an imaginary friend named Box.
He had a triangular head.
Kevin Hart’s head is more of a 3D octagon with an arbelos beard.
Can you tell I’ve been helping my daughters with lockdown homework?
No? You don’t care? You don’t know what’s going on right now?
You just want to finish up with All In Challenge and get on with quarantine?
Fine. Be that way. That’s how Box used to treat me. How about I tell you about some of the sweepstakes, including a chance for a speaking role in Mr. Hart’s next film? With tickets starting at $10, the sweepstakes page is where most low-rollers will float around, like Sandra Bullock in that ridiculously dull space opera. Oh, no, is there a fire in the capsule, Sandy? Boo hoo!
And, woman, put on some pants!
The more than 80 prizes (and counting) also includes: “Golf at Pebble Beach With Justin
Timberlake & Bill Murray”; “Throw Out The First Pitch At The Next World Series”; and “Bieber Sings ‘One Less Lonely Girl’ At Your House.”
That one actually made me laugh out loud.
Imagine if the winner is like a 50-year-old crank who lives alone and has a drinking problem.
The Biebs walks in and this guy is flopped on a filthy futon in a wife-beater, his paunch hanging out the bottom. A muted MMA match is playing on a TV in a cramped living room with empty Bud bottles strewn across the floor. The whole place smells like kielbasa.
Then Justin nervously croons “One Less Lonely Girl” as the guy scowls at him in silence.
Now I would pay $775,000 to see that — and take any nosebleed that may be forthcoming!
Another weird sweepstakes lottery: “Run A Lemonade Stand With Ryan Reynolds & Hugh Jackman.” Yes, for some reason, the actors will “help you and your kids set up a lemonade stand.”
If there’s a lull in passersby, who knows, maybe you can talk them into changing the oil in your car or pruning a hedge or two. But whatever happens, chances are you will end up with a story way more compelling than “Gravity.”
And that is why this All In Challenge is so intriguing.
This is a terrible time for the world.
But it is a golden age for those who crave celebrity experiences, be it in music, TV, film, food, sports, social media or homemade citrus beverages.
This is your chance to get discovered or just rub elbows with your heroes.
At some point, life will return to normal. When it does, no famous person will ever again knock on your door.
The odds of playing hoops with Shaq or getting an aerial stunt lesson with Pink will fall back to zero. There will be no Madonna hand-me-downs in your closet.
But cutting boxes in the dark, that is forever.