A great start — and then COVID-19 hit
My first date in many decades turned out to be something very special
Marvin is 70 years old, retired from “managing large businesses,” and lives in the west end. “Despite my long, corporate career spent in suits and ties, I’m now a laid-back, T-shirt and black jeans, beard-and-scruffy-hair type of guy,” he says. Marvin is “definitely artsy.” “I play in bands, listen to non-fiction books, go to Jays games, play golf and walk,” he says. “I stay in touch with friends; we remind each other of what full lives we’ve led.” Marvin was widowed last year.
I joined a dating site with little intention other than to get a sense of what I was in for at some point — to see how this world worked, and how it might feel. I felt out of place, and was about to drop out when I got a “smile” from someone. I noted that she had retired from a career that fascinated me. I “smiled” back. She mentioned that she was travelling overseas and would be back in two weeks — would I mind being pen pals to see if we wanted to meet when she returned? I liked that she seemed to be a little out of the mainstream. I’m also someone who is off the beaten path. Two weeks of emails and phone calls made the decision of whether or not to meet an easy one. We planned to meet at a coffee shop on a Sunday afternoon. I entered with my nose in my phone, checking to be sure I was in the right place. I looked up and saw a woman looking at me with an “Is that you?” kind of look. She had chosen a table in the corner for privacy, which was much appreciated.
Ann looked like her picture, only with a big smile that lit up her face. She seemed confident and comfortable. Our correspondence had been very interesting, and I wanted to hear more about her immediately. There was lots of eye contact and interest in what each other had to say. I may have taken the ease of the experience for granted, this being my first time. After an hour of chatting, Ann laughed and suggested that since we were in a café, I might want to order something. I had been completely distracted.
We made each other laugh and laugh. We riffed on things we had already written or talked about with each other: our former careers, funny friends, past relationships, interests and hobbies. I felt a connection, and it appeared to me that Ann did, too.
Suddenly it was 6 p.m., and I asked her if she was hungry and would like to go somewhere to eat. I watched her consider it long enough that I had time to realize that I would be disappointed if she didn’t want to continue. Her “yes” put everything on another level. We walked across the street, to what turned out to be her favourite pub, for two more hours of talking.
She laughed at my jokes. I laughed at hers. We shared about our late partners, and related to each other’s feelings about what it was like to lose them. It was a beautiful, open and honest conversation. I could feel an attraction growing through the afternoon and evening, and felt signals that maybe it was working for her, too.
I asked Ann if I could walk her home. By this time I think we both knew there was a strong connection. She kissed me — she tells me I kissed her. However it went, we had a friendly kiss goodnight and an agreement to meet again soon.
This was followed by two weeks of dinner dates, museum dates and just hanging out and talking. It was obvious something was happening between us. My first date in many decades turned out to be something very special. Then came COVID-19. Suddenly, we are each self-isolating and unable to get together; we’re back to writing and long phone conversations. Reading bedtime poems to her on FaceTime helps. We are each making a list of what we would like to do together when this is over. Our conversations take us deeper into what feels like a serious relationship. We talk honestly and intimately, as if we have been longtime partners, rather than having dated for only two weeks.
Marvin rates his date (out of 10): 10
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