The road to our best self runs through others

The splendid writer Madeleine L’Engle said that one of her favourite words was “ontology” — or the essence of things, the nature of being.

A lifetime’s living, L’Engle said, should cut away the extraneous, the façades, the adornments, until what remains is “our ontological selves; what we are meant to be.”

The stories of those lost to COVID-19 in recent weeks exemplify men and women who, in word and deed, came to understand the essential.

Dianne Horton of Cheapside, Ont., died at age 74 on March 30. She married at 17 and had three children with her husband, Robert. She worked at Kmart and helped balance the books for her husband’s janitorial service. She painted and knit. Most of all, she raised her kids.

“She was a cornerstone to the family,” her son Shawn told the Star. “She loved her grandbabies and definitely watched out for her kids growing up.”

But she realized that watching out didn’t mean running their lives.

She allowed her loved ones the dignity of making their own decisions, the lessons of their own choices and mistakes.

“She was a great grandmother and truly loved her family, never passing judgement on what they did or walk of life they chose,” Shawn said.

Robert Campbell, 76, of Orangeville, who died April14, was known as Clark. He was born in Brampton and met his wife, Gail, on a blind date 50 years ago.

“I was blessed to be married to that man,” Gail told Orangeville.com. “I’ve got to tell you, I don’t know why he chose me but I’m so glad he did.”

Campbell loved dogs and the outdoors. He enjoyed a quiet paddle on Lake Bernard, a roaring fireplace, a Bob Dylan tune, a good scotch.

He was a civil engineer who, perhaps most important, came to consider nothing — things or people — to be beyond repair.

Christine Mandegarian, 54, of Toronto, was a personal support worker at Altamont Care Community for more than 30 years, who died April 15.

Her life demonstrated that love is not an emotion, but an action, a policy. And that policy is usually compassion.

“She was a kind, caring, compassionate and hard-working woman who loved her family, friends and patients,” Mandegarian’s family said in a message to the Star.

“She would do whatever she could to make you feel welcomed in her home at any time. She gave her heart to what she did and paid the ultimate price.”

Victoria Salvan, 64, of Montreal, who died April 17, often worked overtime at Grace Dart Extended Care Centre so she could help pay for her two sons’ post-secondary education.

“She didn’t want them to have to find jobs. She wanted them to concentrate on their studies and do well in school,” colleague Sheena Rimme recalled. “She was such a sweetheart.” The lessons of their years confirm what the wise have always taught.

That love is a verb and that the road to our best self — to the essence of being — usually runs through others.