When family life is turned upside down
Higher grocery bills, bored kids, separation from grandparents have couple wishing for an end
Editor’s note: Some have termed COVID-19 “the great equalizer” because it can indiscriminately infect anyone. But the impact it has on people and families is far from equal. The Star’s Viral Inequality series looks at how people from various walks of life have seen their lives change and, in some cases, how they’ve slipped through the safety net of government support.
The grocery bill. And, figuring out how to cover it if this goes on much longer.
That’s one of the biggest worries Abby Ayoola and Wayne Williams have these days as weeks upon weeks of the COVID-19 lockdown pile on.
“I find that the budget for grocery went up because we’re all home all the time and we are eating more,” said Ayoola.
The couple has five children ranging in age from seven months to 11 years. Both parents are self-employed. Ayoola can’t get wage subsidy help from the government because she was out of work before the lockdown after giving birth. Williams qualifies for the Canada Emergency Response Benefit (CERB) and the family gets government emergency child benefits for kids under 12.
That help is a light in the storm, leaving the family with a little less to worry about than some others.
But their life is most definitely upside down — and a struggle.
“It’s like we are going backwards with our social and cultural norms,” said Ayoola, a weight-loss author and selfemployed entrepreneur.
The ongoing COVID-19 pandemic has forced people to stay at home as physical distancing measures are enforced across the country. Some have termed this virus “the great equalizer” as it can indiscriminately infect anyone, but the impact it inflicts on people is far from equal. Just as families’ makeup and socio-economic statuses are different, the stakes can be much different when it comes to living in the era of COVID-19.
Pandemics such as COVID-19 actually “exacerbate inequality,” Ian Goldin, who teaches globalization and development at the University of Oxford, told the Star’s Saba Eitizaz on a recent episode of the podcast “This Matters.”
“Economically, it’s dramatically different. Richer people can afford to be out of work for a while, they’ve got savings, they can self-isolate because they have a home with several rooms,” he said.
Beyond the financial burdens, Ayoola and Williams are finding that raising their five children in isolation is no easy feat.
Typically the couple’s three older kids — in grades 3, 4 and 6 — would spend much of the weekday at school while the parents juggled work and caring for the younger ones.
Now it’s all about “screen time” all week and the kids are “bored out of their minds.” It’s something that worries Ayoola a lot.
“Their eyes especially. It’s really not ideal for kids to be locked up 24-7 inside the house,” she said. “They can’t go to the park because parks are closed and we don’t want to get a ticket. It’s a lot for them and for us.”
What’s more, the school-aged children attend French immersion programs and Ayoola and her husband can’t help with school work since neither of them speaks French.
When kids have nothing else to do all day, even getting them to concentrate on school work becomes difficult, she said.
“When they go to the basement for homework, one of us has to physically be there just to make sure the TV is turned off.”
Ayoola’s strategy includes threatening to take their iPads or computers away for a long time.
“I give teachers props because they have to deal with kids from different backgrounds every day. They deserve all the raise,” she said. “Even dealing with your own kids can drive you nuts.”
Another major setback has been the kids not being able to see their grandparents, who live in Brampton. Now they rely on FaceTime and video chats to maintain family connection, which Ayoola said are “a nice alternative, but cannot replace in-person visits.
“Imagine going from seeing their grandparents every weekend to not having seen them since the first week of March. It’s really getting to them and they say the first thing they’ll do when this is over is go visit the grandparents.”
On the upside, the family is grateful to own a home with a backyard in Mississauga. When the weather is good, they spend time outside kicking the soccer ball and engaging in other outdoor activities “to keep everyone sane.”
Social distancing has destroyed the idea of an actual family schedule as the kids now go to bed late and wake up even later, Ayoola said.
“There’s no family routine anymore,” she added. “I am hoping against all hope that things can go back to normal at least by the end of May. The longer we are staying home, the harder it’s becoming financially and emotionally.”