There is hope for love, even at a distance

Dear Readers: Few times in our busy lives of the not-sorecent past, before the current pandemic, did we have the time and good sense to just stop, observe and quietly absorb life lessons from others.

But the coronavirus has inadvertently provided many opportunities to discover stories of ordinary people managing relationships in extraordinary times.

The following offers hope for love despite distance, in the time of coronavirus: Reader’s Commentary: “You recently published a letter from a woman on the cusp of 40 who asked, in essence, how does she continue with dating men she meets online when there is social distancing.

“To me, she sounded desperate and fearful of living out her life alone.

“I think my story will inspire her to look for a mate in a more authentic way.

“I was in an emotionally abusive marriage for 25 years before I divorced in my early 50s. I was so brainwashed, I felt that if a man looked at me I either had spinach in my teeth or my zipper was down.

“Yet, objectively, I’m fit and fairly attractive.

“I thought that so long as I had my books, wine and family around, I’m good.

“My book-club friends, however, insisted that I was wrong that all men are jerks and romance was a cruel joke. They compelled me to join a dating app with a matching process.

“I signed up under a false name and with strict restrictions on who I might look at and maybe chat with online. I thought, someone to go with to movies/restaurants would be nice, but I didn’t want any ‘complications’ involving love.

“I had seven dates with six different very nice men. But no connection.

“Then, bored, I decided to chat with a guy that the dating site kept saying fit my criteria except … he lived 3,000 miles away on a Caribbean island.

“He looked like an ordinary guy his age, but his ‘resumé’ was interesting, so I figured we could be pen-pals.

“Within two weeks, we were regularly chatting and when I trusted him with my identity, we emailed. We were connecting and having a great time getting to know each other.

“He shared his struggles with his 27-year marriage before he divorced some years prior and I opened up about my experience. Then he went radio silent.

“Of course, I thought, ‘Well, there you go, all men are jerks!’

“Three days later, he contacted me from a resort on the island, which had been hit by a hurricane and all power was out. He knew the resort had a generator and contacted me from there. First thing he said was he was worried I’d think he’d lost interest. Wow!

“We met physically three months after meeting online. We married 18 months later. I was 57.

“We’ve lived in bliss for almost eight years since and still wake up in the morning smiling at each other.

“I hope your other writer sees this and takes heart.

“Forget the physical aspects of meeting a man. I was in love with my husband before we physically met.

“As I famously told my bookclub pals just before I met him, unless he had rancid body odour or there was no fire in bed, I was in deep trouble as far as ‘not wanting to fall in love’ was concerned.

“Happily, there was no B.O. and lots of fire!” Ellie’s tip of the day There’s hope for love in a pandemic: through common interests, attraction and growing trust through online connecting, even when in-person meeting is delayed.