There are no easy answers. know having conversations about race with family and kids is difficult, but it is necessary, now more than ever. If you practise having the difficult conversations, they become part of regular family dialogue.
Columnist Uzma Jalaluddin on talking about race with your children.
The many incidents of antiBlack violence in Canada and the U.S recently have been difficult to witness; the deaths of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor and George Floyd are all heartbreaking, the protests far-reaching. As a visible Muslim woman, I’m no stranger to discrimination. However, as a light-skinned south Asian, I have no concept of the systemic racism that many Black Canadians face on a daily basis.
As a parent, teacher and writer, I strive to be friend, a witness and an advocate. But the racially-motivated incidents of the past few weeks have led me and my friends, most of whom are south Asian, to think about how we handle issues of race, as people and as parents. This is a conversation we have had many times before, but it feels even more pressing right now.
I started speaking to my kids about racism and inequity from a young age, maybe five or six. In some ways, it’s easier to have this conversation when they are younger. As my sons have grown, the conversation has become more nuanced and specific. Yet even being able to choose to have this conversation with my kids is a privilege. For many Black Canadians, systemic racism is part of everyday life.
Like many parents, I’ve spent the past few weeks thinking about how to talk about violence and anti-Black racism, and reflecting on the ways that I myself have been parented.
I have a few suggestions, especially for my fellow non-Black POC. The following is not an exhaustive list, but it might spark further conversations.
Don’t underestimate your impact as parents Growing up, my Indian mom talked to me and my brother about anti-Black racism often. More importantly, her words were followed up with actions: She actively encouraged me to have a diverse friend group; she was friendly with Black neighbours and with Black Muslims at the mosque; she spoke up when people in her circle engaged in anti-Black dialogue. All of this was not common among first generation south Asian immigrants. At heart, my mother believes in equity and compassion, and her example has left a lasting impression on me.
Amplify the voices of those with lived experience The protests that have erupted over the past week, the sadness and mourning over Black deaths, all are an outpouring of grief and a desire to see lasting change to systemic inequalities. As an ally and friend, I’m here to echo and amplify the voices of people with lived experience of anti-Black racism … Not to share and post about how badly I feel about the racism others deal with every day.
Address anti-Black racism in our own communities and social circles Anti-Black sentiments within other race communities is not “inevitable.” Don’t let casual racism pass with a shrug and a, “that’s just how my parents/ grandparents/that generation thinks.” My mother never commented on skin tone to me or my brother, and would discourage talk about the superiority of “fair” skin within our extended family. She caused plenty of arguments as a result, but she kept at it, and it has made a difference.
Educate family about historical context Some immigrant communities are not aware of the historical injustices that have taken place in other marginalized communities, especially when it comes to the Black Canadian/American experience, or to the First Nations community. A brief history lesson might help contextualize events such as the protests erupting in the U.S following the death of George Floyd and anger over police shootings. Educating our families and ourselves is our responsibility. A good place to start is by reading and following Black authors and activists, and listening with an open heart.
Talk about systemic racism When I talk to my 15-year-old son about anti-Black racism, I break it down for him from a systemic point of view. It becomes more real when I ask him to consider the effects of racism from an institutional perspective, such as why Black students in Ontario are expelled and suspended from schools at a disproportionately high rate compared to other students.
As a Muslim, I believe that when I see injustice, I can either change it through actions, change it using my voice, or at the very least, hate it in my heart. There are no easy answers. I know having conversations about race with family and kids is difficult, but it is necessary, now more than ever. Speaking from experience, if you practise having the difficult conversations, they become part of regular family dialogue, and then part of the lens with which our loved ones see the world.
While the search for meaningful change has moved to the streets, it always starts at home.