Wondering when you can start dating again?
You’re single. You’re looking. And, like, we’re back in the early aughts, “You’ve Got Mail!”style, you’re digitally connecting with a stranger. After a handful of exchanges, they suggest meeting up in real life for a socially distant date. It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for. You want nothing more. Yet, you’re conflicted.
Is it safe to meet up with a stranger, or a friend with benefits, during a pandemic? Just because someone seems genuine and honest, doesn’t mean they are, and short of asking someone to quarantine for two weeks before seeing them (and trusting that they have), how can you play it safe? When can you start dating again, when can you kiss someone you’ve been connecting with online and when can you start hooking up with a new romantic interest?
Jessica Wood, a research specialist with the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada, tells the Star that there isn’t a straightforward answer to the above questions.
“Current guidelines state that physical distancing should be in effect with people outside of our household. There are currently no concrete timelines or guidelines for when people will be “cleared” for dating or engaging in sex with non-household sex partners,” Wood says.
“With time, as we get a better understanding of our own individual risks for COVID-19 in our daily lives, whether we potentially have immunity, what the risk levels are for our partner(s), then people may start to have (or continue to have) conversations with non-household partners about what is an acceptable risk for them,” Wood says.
“Things are changing rapidly as we acquire new information, and conversations about risk will look different in various parts of Canada, Ontario and the GTA.”
“The GTA has far more active cases than the rest of Ontario. Partners will have to decide together whether they are willing to wait and connect virtually, whether they are willing to take the risk of getting or passing COVID-19, and what kind of strategies they implement together if they do take that risk,” Wood says.
She says each person will have to consider what that risk might mean for themselves, their partner(s), their community and the broader communities that they are a part of. “Someone who lives alone and whose partner lives alone, but separate from them, and works from home is in a different situation than someone who lives with several roommates or lives with an aging parent or is a front-line health-care worker.”
Wood says it’s possible that guidelines may change regionally as the number of COVID-19 cases vary.
“This will impact the conversations that partners have about their level of risk. For example, depending on their situation and where they live (e.g., in an area with few or no cases), people may start considering whether they want to “bubble” with a sex partner (pairing up with a sex partner who is also isolating).”
Wood says the risks of going on a date, kissing or engaging in sex with a partner you don’t live with, depends on a lot of things, such as how much contact a person has with other people in their daily life, whether they are practising physical distancing at work and overall in their lives, whether they are experiencing symptoms, whether there are a lot of active cases in their community/geographical area.
“COVID-19 is highly contagious and is transmitted through respiratory droplets. You get it or pass it through close, personal contact, which is what most types of dating and sex involve,” Wood says.
She says in terms of COVID-19 risk, the best options for dates (with new partners or someone outside of your household) include virtual/video dates. “Going out with someone for a physically distant walk (particularly if you’re both wearing masks) is lower risk than being inside an enclosed space together for an extended period of time and/or where there may be close, prolonged physical contact.”
Wood says the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada has outlined some suggestions for people who may not follow the physical distancing guidelines, which suggest things like self-screening and limited travel.
She says communication between partners is key. “Whether that is related to determining your risk of getting or passing COVID-19 , what kind of boundaries you want to establish , or communicating your sexual and relational preferences and safer sex strategies. It is key that partners develop good communication skills in order to enhance their sexual health and develop trust in one another.”
Quinte Health Care emergency physician Dr. Parambir Keila says “we need to reframe social distancing as social engagement from a physical distance. Risk seems to be directly tied to the activity, duration of exposure and environment.”
He says mental health also plays a role. “Unfortunately, I’ve seen a spike in the number of patients presenting to the ER with panic attacks and generalized anxiety disorders, not to mention a spike in heavy drinking,” Keila says. “Social engagement is healthy, when done right.”
If your idea of a date is a walk outdoors or picnic with distance, then he says you’re keeping it low risk, but says it’s important to find out if your idea of quarantine is the same as their idea of quarantine.
“For example, construction sites have reopened, but workers have better — not perfect — PPE. Working in a cramped location for hours on end is essentially like sharing that space with every other person a coworker has come into contact with over the past few weeks. As we have all seen by now, that can blow up quickly,” Keila says.
“Young people are less likely to die from COVID-19 but can still get seriously ill and pass it on to others. We can’t resume our old social behaviours. Instead, we have to be more cautious around all interactions,” Keila says.
“Any time you hang out with someone new, there’s a risk associated with it. Go slow, use your best judgment, space things out, and I would recommend self-isolating for two weeks after a close-contact interaction with someone new.”
Keila says it’s fine for people to have physically distanced gettogethers, so long as everyone is careful.
“I had a picnic today with one other friend separated by eight feet, or so. It was really nice to reconnect with him in a way Zoom could never deliver.”
Romance under COVID will entail gauging risks for yourself, experts say “Depending on their situation and where they live, people may start considering whether they want to ‘bubble’ with a sex partner.” JESSICA WOOD SEX INFORMATION AND EDUCATION COUNCIL OF CANADA