Should I get off this Zoom meeting?
A psychotherapist offers advice on how to slowly get used to social situations again
As more parts of Ontario are set to lift COVID-19 restrictions this Friday (Toronto, Peel and Windsor-Essex remain in Stage 2 for now), it’s not just the movie theatre or gym people will have to get used to again. For some, interacting with others in person may also be a challenge.
Now that we’re not restricted to Zoom calls and can be in more social settings (albeit with continued physical distancing rules), there is a lot more ambiguity when it comes to rules on how to behave, said Joshua Peters, a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor of the Centre for Interpersonal Relationships. People have different levels of comfort when it comes to interactions at this point. Some are ready to head to the patio, while others prefer a distanced meeting at a quiet park.
“People have that question of whether being more social is something I should throw myself into. I encourage people to slowly make their way back to their old environments, be it dating or activities with friends,” Peters said. “What is considered normal has changed, and you need to give yourself time to acclimate to those changes. I think people are just excited to go out and connect. With dating, for example, I’m hearing people are mistaking that excitement for chemistry.”
He added that this is also a way to see how potential dates were behaving during the pandemic. “I encourage people when they go on dates to see how seriously the other person is taking COVID-19. It’ll give you a sense of how good of a partner they’ll be in other aspects of a relationship.”
When setting up a meeting with someone, Peters said to think about the environment. “Set up something that’s low stakes like a park. Set it for 20 minutes because a whole day can feel exhausting after not being around someone for a long time. Avoid overwhelming situations like a busy restaurant, which probably isn’t a great first try as a social setting. You’ll also want to first meet up with someone you trust and has the same comfort levels as you do.”
He also said to be aware of the amount of alcohol being consumed as it can impair judgment, resulting in being more careless with physical distancing and engaging in more risky pandemic behaviour.
Social norms that require physical contact, be it a handshake, hug or high-five are things you’ll want to avoid with people outside of your social bubble or household, Peters said. “This is the most canned therapist response, but I say talk about it. When you want to kiss or hug the person, just say that you can’t but you are excited to do it when it’s safe again. Acknowledging that this is an awkward situation will reduce some of the tension around it.”
Of course, not everyone will have the same comfort levels when it comes to social gatherings. Peters said if you don’t want to hang out with someone who hasn’t been practising physical distancing or taking the virus as seriously as you, tell them that it’s more about your fears than their failures in responding to COVID-19. “When you say it’s more about what you’re afraid of and it’s not a reflection of who they are as a person, they’ll be more likely to respond better.”
He also said to be patient when looking to others for comfort and to reconnect.
“In times of trouble we lean to our friends, but everyone is leaning on everyone and we don’t have the juice for all of that,” he said. “They might not always show up when you need them because we’ve all dealing been with something in the past months.”
But in the end, the psychotherapist said communication is key to acclimating yourself to social situations again, as the province continues to loosen restrictions and everyone has different interpretations of what’s OK. Talk about your fears, comfort levels and values. Know it’s going to be awkward for a while.
“The big piece is to start talking about boundaries and comfort levels, especially with distancing and hand washing,” he said. “Dip your toe in the water to slowly get yourself back in. When you take a big plunge, you might be in shock and not make the best decisions.”