Everything was going well, until he brought up his boss
We were smiling, relaxed; he even remembered things we’d talked about
Monique is 38, lives at Yonge and Eglinton, and works in “a highly specialized STEM field.” She says that her style is “neutral and basic.” In her free time, Monique likes to read, “mostly philosophy, psychology and spirituality” and take walks. She is recently single and says, “Most people have very high expectations of relationships. They want to find someone who they are compatible with in terms of lifestyle, taste, activities, looks, height, weight, exercise habits, physical chemistry, even their astrological sign. The list goes on and on. It’s crazy.” Monique wants to date someone “who cares for me as much as I care for them. It’s simple.”
Over the last few years, I matched with Shaun online several different times. We chatted a bit after each of those matches.
On vacation, I found myself at aFrench restaurant that we had once talked about, so I snapped a photo and sent it to him. Despite all the “matches,” Shaun and I never actually met. I was too busy with work the first few times and ended up becoming serious with someone else right after the last time.
When I found myself single again, I once again came across Shaun’s profile. Miraculously, it was a match! He immediately asked if we were going to actually meet. I said yes. He chose a cute restaurant in a trendy neighbourhood. We planned to meet up the following day.
I was excited for the date but also felt some pressure. There was much more “history” than usual. On my way there, I thought about what I remembered about Shaun. Other than his love of French food, I couldn’t remember a single thing about this guy.
Shaun was already at the restaurant when I arrived. He looked up and waved. I went over with a big smile. He smiled back. I noted that he was much better looking in person than in his profile, which is always a nice surprise. As the conversation started, I noticed I was really struggling with what to say because I was so nervous. I just tried to smile as much as possible.
Once we got into it, I felt myself relax a bit. Shaun asked a few specific questions about my job and about a work issue I’d had when we had last matched. I thought, “Wow! This guy actually remembers things that we talked about.” I couldn’t say the same for me. I took it as a good sign that he remembered as much as he did.
Everything was going well. We were smiling, talking easily and then Shaun said, quite earnestly, “You should meet my boss.” I said “Your boss?” He said that we had so much in common, and that his boss was a really cool guy and that I would like him.
At first I thought, that’s kind of cool: Shaun was already thinking about how I would get along with his co-workers. But then he added that his boss had recently ended things with his girlfriend and wanted to “get out there,” and I realized that he was trying to set me up. While on a date with me!
Sometimes my own naiveté astounds me. Shaun wasn’t thinking that I would fit into his life. He was literally suggesting I go out with his boss. I am pretty sure my response was an awkward laugh and an eye roll. Like, what was I supposed to say in that moment?
I’m not someone who gets offended when someone doesn’t like me. I thought that maybe he was trying to let me down gently. I also thought it was kind of funny. No one has ever tried to set me up with someone else while on a date with me before.
Shaun paid for our meal and walked me to my stop. He asked if he could call me. I started to wonder if the suggested setup was, in fact, a form of “negging.” Maybe he thought I would be more interested in him if he acted uninterested?
Shaun and I texted back and forth, but then the holidays rolled around and then I was away travelling. He suggested I text him when I was back in town, but then the pandemic happened and we never ended up connecting.
It’s for the best — do I really want to date someone who tried to set me up with someone else?
Monique rates her date (out of 10): 5
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