A pro guide to reaching out and getting a response

The term “sliding into someone’s DMs,” for those who don’t know, is direct messaging a stranger or acquaintance, using a social networking platform like Instagram or Twitter, in an attempt to get their attention.

The approach tactics vary, as does the intention. You could be reaching out for a romantic connection, a friendship, to promote a networking opportunity, as a way to connect with someone you are a fan of or for political reasons.

The goal of the DM, no matter your reason for it, is to not come off as aggressive or creepy and to, ideally, garner a response. Since we know that people can screen capture and share evidence of a message you sent, I’m sharing the art of sliding into someone’s DMs like a pro, while keeping your rep intact.

Before you start, make sure you have an updated profile with an image. This alone will increase your odds of getting a response.

I’m no stranger to the DM slide and have had some success, as well as a few failures. In my 20s, I met my two serious boyfriends by messaging them privately on Facebook. More recently, I have reached out to someone who piqued my interested on dating apps by forgoing the app and just reaching out to them directly on Instagram DM. You see, many people choose to share their Instagram handles on their dating app profiles, so a simple search and some creativity on your end can land you in their inbox.

When I take this route, I avoid mentioning where I found them and no one has ever asked. Instead, I just curate an opening line using the posts on their Instagram. I never ask them a question that puts pressure on them to respond.

If they are interested, they will respond and keep the interaction going. The second you ask someone a question, that is a subtle demand that they respond, and I like to keep it easy as opposed to demanding.

I have slid into the DMs of a lead singer in a Toronto band I admire (he has never responded, but I did catch him watching my Instagram stories, so I didn’t go completely unnoticed, #amirite?). I made sure not to insinuate that I want to hook up with him, and instead used work and his upcoming show as an excuse for connecting. I have reached out to the female lead on one of my favourite reality shows and we’ve developed a semblance of a friendship. And, most recently, I have been DMing with someone I know from my past. All it took was a simple “Well look who it is.”

Timing is everything so, although it’s obvious, it should be noted that DMing when under the influence is not a good idea. Alcohol may help take the edge off, but you still want to be socially aware and in control. If you get the liquid courage to DM a crush, save a note to your drafts and review it the following day. This not only ensures you don’t have spelling mistakes, but that you’re not giving the wrong idea. We all know what it means to get a message from someone after 11 p.m. and there’s nothing worse than waking up with DM regret.

It’s best to DM someone at a respectable hour (think 9 a.m. to 9 p.m.) or when your chances of catching their attention are higher, like when the person just posted or tweeted something. Their post can be the excuse you need to initiate contact and chances are they have their phone in hand, waiting for the validation from a plethora of likes and comments.

Looking for a one-liner? Try “I didn’t want to leave a comment on your post, but wanted to tell you _____” and fill in the blank with a non-cheesy oneliner or unique-to-them compliment.

If you’re reaching out to a celebrity or someone with a large following, note that they likely get many DMs. So you’ll want to stand out and capture their attention. Simply saying “Hi” or sending a suggestive emoji (I see you, heart eyes, eggplants and peaches) may not pack the punch you’re hoping for. Get creative and avoid the obvious. What caught your attention? Was it their laugh? Focus on something outside the physical to drive your message home.

This is where your intention comes in. If you’re using the DM like a one-liner to get a stranger’s attention, be sure to get that tone across. DMing someone about a work opportunity when you know you want to potentially date them ends up blurring the lines. Be as direct as you can without being aggressive. Avoid blanket statements like “You’re gorgeous” or asking direct questions like “Can I take you out?” Instead say something like, “Your laugh is so refreshing! Thanks for cheering me up today.”

If you really want to slide right in there but you’re debating whether to press send, just send the damn thing! What do you have to lose, really? So the person won’t respond? So they’ll screen capture it and show their friends? I mean, you know these are possibilities and you can’t control others.

But you can control yourself. You’re more likely to get someone’s attention by attempting to make your presence known. Be active. Shoot your shot. Social media has broken down the barriers when it comes to contacting a celebrity. You can reach out to anyone and you stand a chance.

If you don’t hear back from them after a few weeks or so and you want to follow up, go for it. Once. Don’t blow up their phone. Nobody owes you anything. Be proud of yourself for challenging your comfort levels and leave it at that.