Relaxed walk became a saturating experience
Rhiannon is a “single mom in my 40s” and a teacher who lives north of Toronto. She says, “I think I have a ‘classic’ style. I dress mostly in black and am usually more dressy, less casual.” Rhiannon’s friends and family would describe her as “friendly, kind, curious, caring. One friend says I am ‘intense,’ because I don’t do small talk, not even with strangers.” Rhiannon likes to read, hike, jog, do yoga and go for coffee, drinks and walks with friends or dates. She says, “I’m looking for a guy who has done some reflecting and is evolved in how he relates to people. I’m meeting divorced men with children, and I expect that they’ve grown since their relationship ended, can understand why it broke down and are working on being their best self.”
I met Cory online. We didn’t have the usual short and shallow exchange; instead, we wrote entire paragraphs back and forth. He asked good questions; he shared things about his life and his kids; he was interesting. I liked that he was a storyteller. He was kind, encouraging and enthusiastic. We moved off the app and started emailing, and for about two weeks, exchanged long emails about work, parenting and past relationships. I loved it. It was so much better than endless texting about nothing. I learned a lot about him and felt comfortable sharing a lot about myself.
We were emailing back and forth one night and Cory just said, “You know, we could meet and talk just like this over coffee instead of emailing.” So, on a whim, I went out to meet him at a coffee shop. We talked for about three hours. It was the best conversation I’d had in a long time. Still, I sensed that he wasn’t totally comfortable moving forward. He seemed a bit hesitant. I was happily surprised when he asked me on another date.
For our second date, we decided to go for a walk. It was really nice to see him again. He’s very cute, with a great smile and great eyes. He was also funny, and quiet at first, but when he started talking, he relaxed. It was steaming hot and five minutes into our walk, the sky opened up and it started pouring.
Huge droplets were coming down, but it was warm. Cory asked me if I wanted to go inside somewhere, but I said no, we should keep going. He said that I was awesome. We walked around for two hours and got completely drenched. Our shoes were squeaking! We laughed and told stories. The rain didn’t bother either of us.
We talked about parenting, dating, work, friends, exes, growing up. We moved between topics easily. We joked, laughed, poked fun at each other. Cory leaned in to hear what I was saying and looked right at me, right into my eyes.
He really listened, and didn’t interrupt. The connection was there. We were both present. Neither of us wanted to be in charge of the conversation, or move the conversation in a certain direction.
After two hours in the rain, I suggested that we go back to my house so I could put his clothes in the dryer. We were absolutely soaked and Cory had to meet friends for dinner in my neighbourhood after our date.
He later said that for all he knew, I could have been a serial killer, but he didn’t want to go out to dinner in wet clothes! He had a set of gym clothes in his car, so he changed at my place and we sat in my living room and talked for another hour while his wet clothes dried. It was easy to just enjoy each other’s company.
I walked him to his car, and our date ended with a great hug and a small kiss. He said he would call me, and he did. We only had a few more dates before we called it, but we’re still friends. In retrospect, neither of us was really ready to move forward, at the time.
We don’t see each other a lot, but we text and email, and share things that are happening in work and life. We’re both really supportive of each other.
It’s OK that it didn’t work out: Our walk in the rain was, hands down, my favourite date by far.
Rhiannon rates her date (out of 10): 10