Ace your post-pandemic dating game
Greetings, from Sofia, one of my go-to patios in the heart of Yorkville, where I’m sitting alone, next to a glass of rosé brut, typing these words.
After months of being homebound, it’s nice to be out and about, on a spacious and safe patio, which allows me to not only people watch, but to be hidden in plain sight. I can observe first dates in the COVID new normal and I can try to arrange some of my own.
I’m oh-so-naturally curious. So much so, in fact, that when it comes to dating, we do have to wonder when curiosity can be a bit too much. When meeting someone new (and we know these days, that pretty much means online) I ask the tough questions.
You know, the ones we all think about but tend to avoid asking so we don’t look too forward to someone new. “How recently was your profile picture taken?” “You say you’re active when it comes to your physical health, but how active are you really?” “Is this your real age or the one you think may get you the most swipes?”
And then I read into the responses to vet the information I need to determine if I think they are who they claim to be and whether I want to entertain a first (distanced) meeting.
So how do I determine that in this age of catfishing and loneliness? I do some discreet vetting, that’s how. I don’t want to let them know I’ve done more research than I’ve let on. And I also don’t want to seem like a creeper.
So, etiquette-ly speaking, here’s a helpful check list to ensure you’re looking out for your own best interests in the dating universe. These are things to ask a potential partner about, to look out for in someone’s answers and be mindful of — especially now that we’re in Stage 3 in Toronto and in the dog days of summer.
You might otherwise overlook these tips after months of lockdown because, just like me, you’re ready to connect with someone.
Do a Google reverse image search of their online photos, to determine if they are who they say they are; if the photo comes up as someone else’s, you should have red flags all around.
Trust your gut; if you think something is off, it probably is.
Be mindful of the time of day they respond to you and their consistency. Is it on their terms, yours or is it equal (the answer should be the latter).
Be cautious if they text you all the time, but are never available to meet up in real life or do a video chat. You should call them on it or perhaps take a step back. If they make you feel badly for asking or come up with a huge explanation, be attuned to that.
Ask them to be more specific if they say they are an “entrepreneur.” This may insinuate that they are out of work or that they are hiding details.
Ask when a picture was taken, if you have any suspicions that it’s older than you think it is. Perhaps the background was one you recall from a trip in 1995. Perhaps their hair or style is a dead giveaway that it’s not a recent pic.
Peek at their Instagram, to see if they’ve been tagged in pictures by others. This may give you some good insights.
Google general information they’ve provided to ensure they exist. For example, if you connect with someone whose name you have, know they are a doctor and that they went to Uof T, throw the words into Google to see what comes up.
We live in a digital world and we are digital people, so vetting someone’s online portfolio is part of the dating process.
But there’s a difference between research and being a creeper. If a few searches don’t give you the information you need, cool things off and move on.
Perhaps a better option for you is having a friend introduce you to someone in real life. Acceptance is key as is valuing one’s personal space and information.
Play it safe and know what you’re getting yourself into, but if they aren’t into it, leave it there and move on, knowing you did your best to protect yourself. Then delete your computer history, start fresh and perhaps do a quick search on how you might come off if someone were to check you out online.
Play it safe and know what you’re getting yourself into, but if they aren’t into it, leave it there and move on, knowing you did your best to protect yourself