A surprising, and formal, setup
Conversation proved to be a tough sell for Curtis and Kimberley
Curtis is a 35-year-old management consultant who lives downtown. He says, “I love dogs. I have cultivated friendships with people because of their dogs.” Curtis also likes “politics, political shows, political news” as well as playing guitar, watching rugby, biking, hiking, football, basketball, ping-pong, and both volunteering with a group and “hanging out doing nothing.” He says, “I find I get along very well with women whose views are the opposite of mine. I like being intellectually challenged, especially by attractive women.”
I was set up with Kimberley. I told my friend I wanted to meet a girl who was altruistic and a good person, fun, ambitious about her career, had her own thing going on. Obviously I want to respect the person, but I also want to admire them. I don’t want to date a female version of me, but someone who has complementary qualities. Or even opposite tastes.
I was told that Kimberley and I were very similar, which was interesting since she seemed more serious. I was looking forward to it, either way. Kimberley was a physician, which I was excited about. I know some doctors and they’re usually active, busy, smart. I assumed she would be empathetic, too.
I biked against traffic and got to the restaurant early. Kimberley had gotten there even earlier, which surprised me. She was sitting by herself at a table with a glass of wine. She shook my hand and was very businesslike. I got a “dismissive” vibe from her. It was clear that she wasn’t making the kind of effort that most people would on a first date, smiling and all of that. I got the sense that she was coming from work and would have rather gone home. Maybe she was tired. I usually like to go out after I’ve had a chance to decompress, so I get it.
The conversation wasn’t good. It was strained. I was getting more tense and discouraged talking to her, instead of more comfortable. I was relieved when the waitress appeared at the table with menus. It was nice to have someone to actually talk to for a minute. She also happened to be good-looking. I asked her about the specials and what she would suggest we get. She was really cool.
I tried to talk to Kimberley about her job, but she said that she didn’t like to talk about work. Maybe she doesn’t like to talk about anything. The conversation lapsed into silence. She could have asked me something, but didn’t. I was annoyed. Why agree to the date? She was definitely just “going through the motions.”
I made a mental note to ask our friend why Kimberley had said she wanted to be set up. Maybe she did want to be set up, but not with me. I was relieved when the pretty server turned up again. I found it easier to talk to her than to Kimberley. I wondered if the server got the vibe of the table and felt sorry for me.
Kimberley and I eventually started talking about movies and TV, but our tastes were totally different. That’s good with me. I love to learn from other people about their interests. However, it didn’t do much for this conversation. I was really looking for something, anything, to talk about, but Kimberley was giving me nothing to go on. I’m not saying I’m a great conversationalist, but she wasn’t even giving 25 per cent. The conversation was a disaster.
She also checked her phone a lot. I understood that being a doctor, she might be obligated to keep in touch with work, but it seemed like she was just looking at the time. When the server came back, I ended up talking to her again while Kimberley finished eating.
After dinner, I went to the men’s room and when I came back, Kimberley told me she had asked for the bill. That was fast!
Clearly, she was not looking to prolong the date at all or spend any more time with me than was absolutely necessary. When the bill hit the table, I stared at it, expecting that Kimberley would want to split it. She ignored it completely and told me that she had to go.
I paid. We walked out together and, once again, Kimberley shook my hand. It felt like we had concluded a business deal.
Curtis rates his date (out of 10): 2
I got a “dismissive” vibe from her. It was clear that she wasn’t making the kind of effort that most people would on a first date