She wanted to ‘settle down’ without ‘settling’
Catherine is 37, works in financial technology and lives in King West. She says, “When I asked a friend to describe me, the first thing that she said was ‘bougie.’ Once a guy took me to an upscale cocktail bar on our first date, which he selected because I ‘come across as a little bit bougie.’ I definitely do like nice things.” Catherine says, “I am now the only single girl in my social cohort. I am definitely ready to settle down.” She says, “I love clean, modern interior design. I use Pinterest and Instagram to create mood boards for my ‘someday’ dream home, which I am designing myself!”
Not to confuse “settling down” with “settling,” but I think it is time for me to do both. It has been years since I was in a serious relationship, or a steady relationship of any kind, and I believe I am running out of options.
I have tried nearly every dating app out there, but, unfortunately, the same people keep popping up, including people I have already dated and people I have passed on. I am losing hope that I’ll find someone who is smart, sophisticated and attractive.
One of the most popular dating apps is also my least favourite dating app. I just do not vibe with it. Nevertheless, I decided to brace myself for the worst and signed up again. I actually matched with a cute guy right away.
Maxwell portrayed himself as an outgoing, happy, busy, worldly and outdoorsy person. He seemed both sophisticated and like a “guy’s guy.” He was very fit and had a kind smile, too. He seemed as interested in me as I was in him.
We texted easily back and forth for several days, and he asked if I would meet him for drinks. I said yes, as long as we were outside and six feet apart. I communicated all of my expectations having to do with meeting up during the pandemic. I always follow the science. I requested that we meet early, when the patio would be opening, so we would have space to ourselves to avoid other people, among other concerns.
Maxwell was definitely shorter than he looked in his pictures, but he still had the nice, sweet smile. He looked good! He tried to hug me and I stepped back. He apologized and we laughed about it, but I wondered why he did not respect social distancing after we had discussed it, both in general and while we were making plans for the date.
In addition to his lack of respect for social distance, I noticed something else: Maxwell was not very polite. We sat just off the sidewalk and Maxwell had a negative comment for almost everyone passing by, about their looks or clothes or something else about them.
I wondered if there was some thread to his comments, or an argument he was making, to justify his remarks. That did not seem to be the case. He seemed very at ease, so it was not social awkwardness that fuelled his side of the conversation.
I realized that he was simply, and very blatantly, rude. I did not appreciate it and was immediately turned off.
No matter the intention, it is just not acceptable on a date, or really any time, to act that way. I should have ended the date then and there, but my drink was still full and I knew it would be awkward if I left.
The conversation did come to include other content and it turned out that we had quite a bit in common, but I was still not over his previous comments.
I think my body language represented how disengaged I was. I sat way back in my seat, not maintaining eye contact, and drank my drink quickly, without chugging it, in order to get out of there.
Maxwell must not have noticed, however, because he asked me if I would like to have dinner that night! Even if the date had gone better, two dates in one day?!
I downed the last of my drink and stated that I needed to leave. I thanked him for the drinks, got up and started walking toward the exit. I waved goodbye as I entered the flow of people walking by the patio where Maxwell was still seated. Maybe he would have something nasty to say about me, but I did not care at all.
Catherine rates the date (out of 10): 2
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He tried to hug me and I stepped back. He apologized and we laughed about it