Harris wasn’t being rude, she was being authentic

Last week, U.S. Democratic nominee Kamala Harris caught outsized attention for her determination to be heard and her refusal to stifle her facial expressions during the U.S. vice-presidential debate.

This blatant rejection of social norms set the internet ablaze during the debate and in the days that followed, with memes, discussions of etiquette and a question as to whether she struck the right tone.

Millions tuning in from home cheered Harris on as her every grimace, side-eye and wry laugh at statements by Vice-President Mike Pence mirrored our own. Others were quick to criticize Harris for her lack of “poker face,” somehow worse than blatantly lying to the electorate during a global pandemic. Conservative commentators in particular lambasted Harris for her alleged poor manners.

Harris rejected the notion that ideas of civility and social norms barring emotional expression must take precedence over her own dignity. She did what many women, Black, Indigenous, people of colour, LGBTQ and people with disabilities often cannot safely do at work. Watching Harris in action felt like breathing in cool fresh air. Her intentional sideways glances looked like freedom.

Harris wasn’t being rude, she was being authentic. In that moment, it meant not propping up dehumanizing behaviour and harmful policy ideas with too much politeness.

Codes of professionalism, civility and good manners may have value, but they have reached their limit in many contemporary workplaces. The unwritten laws of modern civility help to keep systemic sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia and ableism in place.

Any worker will tell you it is extraordinarily difficult to challenge entrenched systems without coming across as unpleasant, unruly or disloyal. The experience of many women, BIPOC, LGBTQ and people with disabilities is that of tying oneself into a pretzel to avoid offending a superior (and protect one’s job), while pointing out discrepancies in hiring, discriminatory language or falling down on stated equity commitments.

We manage our tones and facial expressions because we know how harshly we will be judged for having a bit too much edge in one’s voice, too much anger, or too much agitation, despite having plenty of cause for frustration. We scream on the inside, while maintaining placid facial expressions.

These unwritten codes of conduct don’t help anyone. The cult of politeness serves to reinforce a wholly inequitable status quo.

Let’s throw out the necessity for sparing offence, in favour of the grimace, of requiring empathy, of recognizing that outrage around exclusion and injustice is real, urgent and requires a solution.

The insistence on civility is a barrier to change and worse, it is abusive to women, BIPOC, LGBTQ and people with disabilities who want to show up as their authentic, capable selves. They are tired of the ways that institutional racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia and transphobia hold people back.

There’s no need to be so polite about that.