My depressed partner developed drinking problem
Q: After immediately experiencing the harsh effects of the pandemic, including unemployment and deep anxiety, my partner developed a drinking problem.
He’d always been my rock and emotional support throughout our years together. But alcoholism divided us. He’d previously enjoyed a drink in the evening when our lives were “normal.” But, when his job suddenly vanished, he went from angry to depressed.
He started drinking during the day while I was still working. But, once I was laid off, I saw the extent of his addiction.
I went to an Al-Anon group meeting to talk to other people experiencing alcoholism in a loved one and realized this was going to be a tough journey for both of us.
I begged him to go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I even drove him to the meeting place. He came home late that night, drunk. He said it wasn’t for him.
Afriend in whom I confided told me of a book that might help. The author’s writing was familiar to me.
He’d written “Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” I’d already found Carr’s approach the most helpful one I’d tried, years back, when it gave me the tools to quit smoking.
Now, I learned about his book on stopping alcohol addiction.
It’s worked! Months have passed with my partner alcohol-free.
I hope you’ll tell your readers about this. With the surge in coronavirus cases, many people are frightened anew, and it seems that turning to alcohol is not an uncommon reaction. My Partner’s Back!
A: Ellie’s Disclaimer: I have nothing personal to gain from mentioning this particular book on alcoholic drinking cessation.
Also, I have great respect for both AlAnon/Alateen as helpful group supports.
And I personally witnessed the respectful companionship in an AA meeting I once attended to support a friend, and know it’s helped many people become and stay sober.
Yet Carr, who wrote many credible, popular and lasting self-help bestsellers from 1985 until he died in 2006, introduced a new concept to readers: It’s not about self-control. Instead it’s about 1) recognizing that you’re an “addict,” and 2) that addiction perpetuates itself, while cessation causes less doubt and fear than imagined. Happily, it’s working for your partner! Q: My husband felt that I sound similar to your letter writer’s described wife who has mood swings (Sept. 30).
But my reactions to my husband are caused by my frustration with him and his denial that he’s ever wrong.
We have long-standing issues. With our kids at home due to quarantine, it’s exacerbated those issues.
Our three kids are in their 20s and always side with him. I’m the bad guy. My husband disagrees. He wants everyone to adore him, so he never says “No” to any of their requests. He also never consults me on these requests, which I find frustrating. That’s why I lash out.
I’m pretty sure I’m not bipolar, just fed up. Your thoughts? He’s “Never Wrong” A: He’s wrong in this case. That column-letter he noted had led to a debate among readers, about extreme mood swings being caused by bipolar disorder or premenstrual dysphoric disorder.
In your marriage, the persistent “issues” come from disconnect between you two.
No parent is always right. He’s unfairly controlling the family dynamic.
However, your lashing out is unhelpful, and just confirms his theme you’re wrong or resistant or unhelpful. The kids are grown-ups who’ll manage if you walk away from “issues.” There’s no “bad guy” if you disengage from their father’s decisions. Ellie’s tip of the day Addictions can be conquered with an approach you choose.