His confidence intrigued me
After matching online, Haley needed to see what Austin was all about
Haley is a 27-year-old fashion assistant who lives in King West. She says “I go for a natural, easy Californian style. I like to wear things that are comfortable and complement my body and blue eyes.” She says “I am ambitious, confident, focused, both serious and lighthearted, and almost always happy.” She says “During COVID-19 I’ve really had to expand my boundaries. I have found that I love biking, especially on trails. I’m also now part of a Zoom book club and a Zoom movie night.” She says “I’ve realized that a lot of guys I meet on dating apps aren’t serious about dating, and I’m ready for a serious relationship.”
I met Austin on an app. He had a really interesting look to him. He had more of a hipster thing than what I usually go for. He had a creative job, which I connected with.
I thought he was intelligent, confident and somewhat mysterious. He had a bit of a “bad boy” thing, which I thought was sexy. We talked about getting together, but I didn’t hear from him about a plan, and the conversation faded away.
Then, a few weeks later, I was using a different app and matched with Austin again. This time we exchanged Instagram handles and moved the chat there. This is not a new strategy for me. I like to get a sense of who someone is before I go out with them, and their Instagram is a good indication of what they do in their spare time, their adventures and their esthetic. I think on some of the dating apps men can be really selective in what they promote about themselves, but social media usually tells more of the story.
On Instagram, it looked like Austin had a full life. I asked him on a date and we set it up. I suspected that I would have to be the one to organize a date after what had happened before.
As we continued to message before we met, the conversation took a bit of a weird turn. At many points, Austin would ask for pictures of me, and almost every conversation now had a sexual innuendo or undertone to it.
At first, I was flattered and intrigued, but then I got tired of it. It was like I wasn’t able to have a normal conversation with him. I would try and deflect, but the conversation always came back around to the same stuff.
I still wanted to meet Austin to see what his confidence was all about. It started to feel less like I was going on a date and more like some kind of weird game or challenge.
We met on a patio. Austin was wearing a T-shirt and jeans. I had showered, put on makeup, straightened my hair and was wearing a cute, fashionable outfit. It just looked like he had not given his outfit choice a second thought. He was on a phone call when I arrived and he had already ordered a coffee for himself.
He continued to talk while I sat down across from him. It was so inconsiderate. I think there was a certain charm and allure to Austin on Instagram that did not match up with the person who was sitting in front of me.
He eventually ended his call and we chatted. It was a little tense. I felt apprehensive. I was wondering if he would say anything sexual, based on our messages.
There was a decent flow to the conversation, but it felt like Austin wanted to get under my skin. Almost everything I said about myself, he found a way to somehow undermine or insult. I think it was his way of flirting. I laughed it off because I knew I had no intention of seeing him again.
I had gone into this date with the mentality of, “Let’s see how amazing you actually are” and it turned into “Let’s get this over with.” I did notice that he didn’t bring up any of the sexual content he had been so focused on leading up to the date.
That night, Austin texted me, once again with the vague sexual innuendos. It signalled to me that he was probably an insecure guy who was more confident behind the safety of a phone screen. I was beyond done with the whole thing, and just let it fade away.
Haley rates her date (out of 10): 1 Want to be a dating diarist? Email