FINDING FREEDOM
Lesa Hannah had a rough ride during a rough year. Her daily bike trip to the lake helps her keep moving forward
Last May, I unearthed my bike from the shed. It’s a sticker-covered hand-me-down Miele cruiser that I tune up once a year. In the before times, I would use it for commuting to work once the weather was nice and usually put it back in storage by October.
Back then, I was also managing a full-time job, constant deadlines, business trips and being a mother of two. Life was so busy, with days, weeks and months quickly passing, that it was easy to ignore any personal issues; they got neatly tucked away, conveniently pushed aside. But two months into the pandemic, I had plenty of time to kill. I was furloughed from my job during the first week of lockdown. When you’re stuck at home with no work to do, you have endless time to think about things. Too much time, in fact. And with no distractions, eventually I found myself confronting issues within my marriage that I had been avoiding.
By the end of June, I was sad and confused and waking up really early. With nothing else really to do, I started going for bike rides. I thought they might heal me mentally and emotionally. I’d put together a playlist on my phone and cycle around my east-end ’hood. And I’d do it again the next day. As the weeks went on, I found myself leaping out of bed and immediately changing into my workout clothes. There was never this feeling of “Oh, I guess I should, it will be good for me,” like when I would force myself to go to the gym. It became as habitual as making coffee. I started exploring longer routes and ventured onto the Don Valley Trail, joining other early risers in the cool morning air.
In August, I discovered Tommy Thompson Park after seeing some friends post their rides through it on Instagram. Also known as the Leslie Street Spit — it’s a man-made landfill that evolved over the years into an “accidental wilderness” down by Lake Ontario — it looked like some magical place outside of the city, with no cars, tons of nature and wildlife and a wide paved road. I headed there right after the Don Valley Trail, and it became a part of my daily route, making my ride last close to two hours. When I used to go to the gym, I’d be checking the clock to see when an hour was up, when I would be free to go. On my bike, time meant nothing. I just wanted to keep riding and watch the scenery whizz by as I listened to my own soundtrack. Sometimes I would cry. Once, I dismounted by the lighthouse at the very tip of Tommy Thompson and wailed at the lake.
It wasn’t clear to me if the rides were helping me feel better or healing me in any way. I just knew I had to do them. If it was raining in the morning, I would simply wait it out. If it started raining while I was on my ride, I didn’t turn around and go home. If I wiped out in the mud, I would simply get back on and go. Midges would fly into my face, and when I got home my face would be dotted with them, my sunscreen having made them immobile.
Now it’s January and I’m still going, determined to keep pushing through the winter. As the virus continues to rage 10 months on, and with the timing of a return to any sense of normalcy still being a giant question mark, there is comfort in having one thing you can depend on. I ended up losing my job entirely, and the discomfort and pain I experienced by being brave enough to face my marital problems forced me to grow and change in ways I could not have anticipated. Last year, I felt like I was woken up from being asleep at the wheel of a rinse-and-repeat life that got torn down, and it’s never going to look the same again.
Want to join me? This is my route, which takes two hours, give or take a few minutes.
Start to 15 minutes: From my home, I head north on Greenwood, then west on Danforth and then north on Broadview.
15 minutes to 45 minutes: I turn left down Pottery Road to the Don Valley Trail and follow the trail until Lakeshore. I continue until Leslie and then head south toward Tommy Thompson Park.
45 minutes to 1.5 hours: I ride to the lighthouse, loop back and go around the pond on the way back.
1.5 hours to almost 2 hours: I head back down to the Lakeshore, then go north on Coxwell, turn west on Dundas and then north on Greenwood to home.
‘‘ I just wanted to keep riding and watch the scenery whizz by as I listened to my own soundtrack. Sometimes I would cry. Once, I dismounted by the lighthouse at the very tip of Tommy Thompson and wailed at the lake.”