Why some men don’t freely express their emotions
Through the evolution of the feminist revolution, stimulated by the #MeToo movement, many have learned of the imbalance of masculine over feminine traits in the workplace. The masculine traits of competition, control and assertiveness are praised and respected while the feminine qualities of sensation, feeling, intuition and nurturing are considered weak.
Although all genders are expected to taper their emotions, most males have been raised to suppress their feelings. Boys are conditioned to not let anyone see them show vulnerability. They’ve been told that “real men” don’t cry.
In sports, boys are congratulated for not allowing anyone to know that they’re hurt. Ultimately, they learn to live with physical and emotional pain.
When some men are upset and in a dispute with another, they believe that they’re doing the other a favour by suppressing, being inauthentic and pretending that they’re fine. When others don’t suppress, but rather share their emotions with them, some men become angry, frustrated or dismissive. At the root of the toxic masculinity norms that pervade society, these are the only emotions that men are permitted to display.
Health science data shows that expressing one’s emotions is healthy. However, 80 per cent of males suppress their emotions. Only 23 per cent reported crying when feeling helpless whereas 58 per cent of women cried under similar circumstances. Women are five times more likely to cry and for longer. They also live at least five years longer than males.
If emotions remain unexpressed, they can surface in passive aggressive ways. Overtime, unexpressed emotions are stored in the body and, eventually, can cause physical health issues, like high blood pressure.
Given that there are two types of health — physical and mental — unexpressed emotions can also manifest in mental-health problems that may lead to increases in depression and suicide.
This is worrisome because, prior to the pandemic, 500,000 Canadian workers were calling in sick every week due to mental-health issues. Mental health was costing our economy $50 billion annually (with $6 billion directly affecting organizations through productivity losses). Since the pandemic, CAMH reported increases in anxiety, depression and addiction.
To correct these toxic masculinity norms, all genders, but especially males, need to express their emotions freely. To get there, our communities, schools, workplaces, and sports environments need to change.
To facilitate this, research has shown that regular mindfulness practices, like meditation, are not only helpful in alleviating mental health issues, but they are also useful in creating greater self-awareness of one’s emotions.