China putting ‘W’ in: Why are we friends?
It seems the Wu-Tang Clan does not have a big following in China.
Remember how we all thought 2021 was going to be a dimmer switch that would slide down the blinding insanity of 2020? Fools! Here we are in February and Nike has released “hands-free” shoes, Coco Austin is posing outdoors in a thong and invisible minidress during an epic snowstorm and, on Tuesday morning, via a “live(ish)” online feed, Wiarton Willie predicted an early spring.
Isn’t Groundhog Day during a global pandemic a bit like Valentine’s Day in divorce court? That rodent should be locked up in Guantanamo Bay. What do I care if Willie did or did not see his shadow when we are staring down six more months of lockdown either way?
An early spring? The weather right now could be Hawaiian and I’d have no clue.
I’ve been wearing the same track pants since Halloween.
But I digress. Instead of ridiculing the laziest shoes ever invented, Coco’s desperate exhibitionism or a silly cultural ritual — hey, Willie, why don’t you make yourself useful and give me the next Lotto Max numbers? — what I should be doing is going after China for going after Canada in one of the most idiotic international incidents of all time.
Just before Willie did his annual Edgar Cayce impression on Tuesday, Reuters moved a story: “Wuhan or Wu-Tang? Canadian diplomat’s T-shirt logo angers China.”
The backstory: Last year, as the pandemic was taking form and Canadian officials in Beijing were scrambling to get citizens home, a diplomat ordered a custom batch of T-shirts for colleagues emblazoned with a logo and the word “Wuhan.”
For some reason that is not clear, those shirts only became a scandal on Chinese social media this week. Some outraged citizens believed the logo behind the “Wuhan” depicted a bat. The implication was Canadian diplomats were pinning COVID-19 on China and wet market consumption, while possibly inflaming racist tropes.
Reuters quoted Wang Wenbin, a spokesperson for China’s foreign ministry: “We are very shocked by this and have lodged representations with Canada, asking for a thorough investigation and a clear explanation.”
In response, a spokesperson for Canada’s foreign service told Reuters: “The T-shirt logo designed by a member of the Embassy shows a stylized W and is not intended to represent a bat. It was created for the team of embassy staff working on repatriation of Canadians from Wuhan in early 2020. We regret the misunderstanding.”
I’m sorry, what? Canada should regret nothing.
Note to Wang Wenbin: Since most of my passwords are classified as “weak,” I don’t want any trouble with you diabolical communists. But instead of saber-rattling or throwing smoke bombs or trying to distract from the fact this novel coronavirus MOST CERTAINLY ORIGINATED IN CHINA, why don’t you google “Wu-Tang Clan logo.”
Look familiar? If Canada owes anyone an apology, it’s the pioneering hip-hop collective for ripping off their trademarked logo in a cheesy pun attempt. Our embassy staff in Beijing had taken to calling themselves the “Wuhan Clan,” you see.
This tempest in a T-shirt reflects nothing more than that. This isn’t an international incident. It’s not even an incident worthy of the Gap.
Look, messages on T-shirts can be accidentally problematic. Years ago, I bought a T-shirt that read “Avalabl,” entirely because I loved the thick cotton and racing English green. I honestly thought the word was a European soccer team or some such. But the first thing my wife said was, “Why did you buy a shirt that says ‘Available’ ”?
She detected two missing vowels I had not seen.
It’s like I was playing “Wheel of Fortune” against Noah Webster.
That’s not what’s happening here. What’s happening is that China is getting a little too comfortable bullying Canada. That’s my takeaway from this Wuhan-Wu-Tang “misunderstanding.” China, instead of trying to stick a “Kick Me” sign on our novelty T-shirts, why don’t you explain why two Canadian citizens, Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor, remain detained without any proof of wrongdoing? Why don’t you admit you lashed out and arrested them in retaliation for the Meng Wanzhou situation?
Why don’t you tell the world why you initially downplayed COVID-19 and keep throwing roadblocks in the way of investigators from the World Health Organization who are trying to pinpoint pathogenic origins? Why don’t you explain your ongoing campaign of disinformation in which you falsely claim the virus came from elsewhere? Spoiler alert: It didn’t.
It’s a good thing our diplomat didn’t appropriate the Rolling Stones’ famous logo.
Or China would now be accusing Canada of suggesting their citizens eat human tongues.
On Tuesday, the Globe published a story that included snippets of some Chinese internet reaction to the Tshirts. One blog declared Canada a “shameless” country that had “no bottom line, no morality and no sense of responsibility.”
Others threatened violence on anyone caught in one of these goofy shirts. Sigh.
It’s all more pointless and stupid than hands-free running shoes.
China and Canada should not be enemies.
But China is making it impossible to be friends.