The #MeToo that I, and millions, have endured
The photo you see here of a large, older man cupping the face of a tiny, young woman with his two hands is extraordinary, even before you understand its news value. “Can I kiss you?” the man had said.
Please study the photograph carefully. The man had just stroked the woman’s lower back, left uncovered by the cut-out of her dress, and called her “aggressive” for having removed his hand. And then he did kiss her, on the cheek as she pulled away, the woman in such shock that she had to ask her friend if his lips had actually touched her skin. They had.
It recalls Michael Corleone in “The Godfather II” cupping his brother’s face at a party, kissing him, and whispering, “I know it was you, Fredo.”
The photo was taken on Anna Ruch’s own cellphone by a friend at a 2019 wedding reception at which the man had made a speech. The man was New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, one of the most powerful men in the U.S. He was 62. Ruch was half his age. He had already been singling out and creepily propositioning two young women, Lindsey Boylan and Charlotte Bennett, who worked in his office.
Ruch, a Biden campaigner, provided the photo to the New York Times just as the two former staffers waited in fear for the governor’s reaction, famously punitive and vengeful as he is.
The photo you see here finally and graphically illustrates to all readers, male and female, what sexual harassment looks like and feels like and what the consequences have been for centuries: none. “I felt so uncomfortable and embarrassed,” Ruch said of the seizing. “I turned my head away and didn’t have words in that moment.”
I draw your attention to two particular aspects. The first is the look on Ruch’s face. She is frightened, her dark eyes looking up in alarm and her smile half-grimacing, half-placatory, and his meaty hands that could either carry her face away like a serving dish or move down around her neck.
His head is her toy, his fingers back behind her ears and into her hair. Her hands are raised protectively and she looks as if she’s fearing a blow. He looks down at her, beast over beauty. With his lower lip drawn back, he could be saying, “Why so aggressive?” or already have prepared his mouth for the kiss.
The second thing to note is his sheer size compared to hers. When people hear about women attacked by men, they question why she was there, why didn’t she scream, how she was dressed, her behaviour with the cops, why she didn’t press charges, and so on. There are no similar questions about the man, the assumption being that men will do what men will do. The woman is always the body in question.
Here’s your answer, and we only have it because of a casual, candid wedding photo. Men’s bodies are taller, larger and much more powerful than women’s bodies.
I have come to believe that this has always been the biggest factor in men’s historical rule over women. They can so easily threaten us, overwhelm, rape, strangle, beat, shoot, or force into a disgusting, unwanted public kiss. Whatever other gifts rain down on men — money, power, social capital, aggression — the most basic imbalance is physical.
Note that Cuomo’s body in a black suit and white shirt is entirely covered, appropriately for a wedding. Equally appropriately, Ruch’s legs, arms and back are exposed, the fabric of her dress thin, her heels stopping her from running, and her arms birdlike.
This is the world we live in, and this is how the most brutal sexual extortion is carried out. What Cuomo did is not the worst — he hasn’t, as far as we know, left bruises — but it is still the #MeToo that I and millions of other women have put up with forever. Remember, sexual harassment isn’t about beauty but powerlessness.
Study that shadowy photo again. He wants her to submit. If she worked for him and said no, the bigger, richer, more famous body could tear the smaller and smaller-salaried unknown body to pieces. What if they had been alone? What then?