Teachable moment turned thorny
Bachelor gave final rose to the outrage mob.
Matt James will rue the day he let Rachael Kirkconnell walk out of his life.
That’s my prediction. What’s that? Who the hell are Matt and Rachael? Come on, people! Matt was the first Black lead on “The Bachelor,” a season that ended Monday night with a finale in which Rachael got, a) the final rose and, b) the public humiliation of having her heart broken in prime time after she was grilled about past racial insensitivities as if in an FBI interrogation.
ABC should have renamed “After the Final Rose” as “Squirm.”
This was more awkward than the next phone call between princes Harry and William.
OK. If you need a recap of this historic season that played out on two fronts — the silly reality show itself and the unrelated, heavy allegations against Rachael — I encourage you to read my colleague Debra Yeo’s brilliant setup of the finale. She explains all of the controversies and frames the context leading up to what happened on Monday night.
One of my goals for 2021 is to know as much about cryptocurrency, blockchains and nonfungible tokens as Deb knows about reality TV. I could be rich! The woman should be giving webinars from her magnificent backyard gazebo. But the short version goes something like this: 24-year-old Rachael Kirkconnell was accused of racist bullying by TikTok users who knew her years ago.
Then images surfaced of Rachael in college in 2018, posing with girlfriends in antebellum gowns during an Old South theme party at a plantation.
There were also charges she is sympathetic to both the new QAnon conspiracy and the old-timey Confederacy.
So, yeah, not a good look, especially in 2021. And when host Chris Harrison tried to defend her, Bachelor Nation came for him. Now he’s on hiatus. It’s possible he may never return. In our culture, there is zero tolerance for racism and even guilt-by-association — vis-à-vis a goodfaith attempt to see the big picture and gauge intent — might end with a cancellation notice.
That’s the Coles Notes going into Monday’s finale. But since the season was taped months ago, Monday was textbook dramatic irony: Viewers were watching the first Black Bachelor pick between two contestants, one of whom was now being called a racist.
It was like watching a clueless frog choose between a lily pad and a scorpion.
But here’s the thing: Matt picked Rachael. At least, he did until he unpicked her during the “Squirm” postscript. Think about that. Of all the contestants, Matt fell hardest for Rachael.
He envisioned her as his life partner and mother of his future children.
Then reality intruded upon this reality show and a hasty rewrite was in order.
This fairy tale would need a reckoning and a twist-ending to appease the mob. So he broke up with her after becoming “aware” of the controversies.
He could not possibly find love on the wrong side of history.
“When I questioned our relationship, it was in the context of you not fully understanding my Blackness and what it means to be a Black man in America,” Matt told Rachael, looking utterly lost behind his hobo beard.
“It broke my heart because this is the last conversation I thought we’d be having. I didn’t sign up to have this conversation.”
No, Matt, you didn’t. You signed up to find a soul mate. And you did.
Then you ditched her by allowing public sentiment to bludgeon your private experience.
Look, I’m not psychic. I don’t have an ECG that allows me to peer deep into Rachael’s heart. But here’s what I’d ask: Why would a racist apply to be on a show in which the central premise this season was to win the marriage proposal of a Black man? That’s like David Duke lobbying to become the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees. It makes no sense.
Rachael has apologized profusely for photos taken when she wasn’t even old enough to drink. Do we really want to live in a world in which personal growth is not possible? She has told her few supporters to not make excuses for her past ignorance. She has, in good faith, grappled with how this affected the man with whom she wanted to spend the rest of her days. Even as she was getting grilled on Monday, her key message was that she wanted him to be happy.
And this is why Matt James just made the biggest mistake of his life.
Monday night could have been a teachable moment for all of us. Instead of more shaming, Matt could have proposed to Rachael and chased down a happily ever after, no matter what anyone might tweet. These two connected. They had a stronger bond than he had with anyone else. That’s what “The Bachelor” is all about, no?
On Monday, as Rachael apologized and blinked back tears, as she didn’t flinch in the line of brutal questioning, the other thing she made clear was that she just wants what’s best for Matt. And you know what? During those awkward silences, in which he stared at her shattered face, it was clear he knows, deep down, he just made a horrible mistake he will regret.
Love is blind. Matt James and Rachael Kirkconnell fell in love this season.
Then he called the whole thing off for reasons that had nothing to do with their love.
He will soon kick himself for giving his final rose to the outrage mob.