How to deal with difficult people
We can let a measured and thoughtful approach guide our interactions
Tarot can help us take a thoughtful approach to our interactions.
Regardless of how agreeable we are, we all eventually encounter people we don’t like. These people can be rude strangers we walk past on the street or irate customers while we’re in line getting coffee. While these interactions are unpleasant, we can train ourselves to take a deep breath and walk away.
What happens when these unpleasant people aren’t strangers we can easily ignore? Unfortunately, we all have difficult people in our lives that we can’t cut off. They can be insensitive cousins who have no problem telling us we should lose weight and get married, or selfish colleagues who don’t understand the value of teamwork.
Difficult people can cause so much anxiety that they make us want to avoid social gatherings or quit our jobs. Although this escapist mentality is tempting, it won’t resolve the issue. We can’t keep switching jobs every time someone at work annoys us, and we certainly can’t just snap our fingers and change our biological relations.
The following is a tarot reading to ask how we can effectively deal with various types of difficult people. I use the four knight cards to represent various character traits. Each knight has their own vice, cause for their behaviour and way to best approach them.
Knight of Wands — Anger Cause: King of Wands
In its ideal aspect, this king is a proud representative of what it means to be successful. He is driven and focused. Combined with skills and effort, he achieves his desires. The effort required to achieve stems from his passion, which can spin out of control into frustration and rage when he encounters roadblocks.
Approach: The Hermit
Many of us have a natural tendency to offer comfort when we
find others in distress. The Hermit, however, advises us to give the Knight of Wands their space when they get upset, especially when the anger and frustration isn’t directed toward us. But even when it is, do not engage them at the height of their passion. Even if you can’t ignore them, don’t let their hurtful words bait you into an argument.
Knight of Cups — Selfishness Cause: 8 of Pentacles
This card shows someone deeply engaged in their work, hoping to produce high-quality results. They are aiming for mastery. While such ambition is admirable, it can be irritating if this person’s ego is not in check. The mentality of “doing your best” devolves into a petty need to be better than others. This results in placing one’s own vanity before the needs and feelings of everyone else.
Approach: Strength
Strength appears to guide us in our interaction with selfish people. The hand gently placed on the head of a roaring lion is symbolic of internal strength. This person doesn’t tame the wild beast with brute force but through gentle persuasion and demonstration of trustworthiness. Likewise, when confronting selfish people, don’t get tempted into reciprocating in kind. The strength required in these scenarios is the conviction to remain true to our morals. It’s possible to be the bigger person while staying strong and not allowing others to take advantage of our kindness.
Knight of Swords — Intolerance Cause: Death
Death appears in our reading when we’ve reached a time for change. It tells us that we’ve outgrown our current circumstances and it’s time to move on. As the source of the Knight of Swords’ intolerance, Death represents a person’s fear of change. Changes often require us to acknowledge our errors or let go of something we value. When we’re not ready to make these sacrifices, we become intolerant to the ideas and people who remind us that our ways are no longer sustainable.
Approach: 6 of Pentacles
Traditionally, this card shows a person holding a scale and dispensing coins to those in need. This can mean to receive or to provide help. Either way, it represents an act of kindness. To combat intolerance, which stems from a closed heart, we need to encourage love and trust. Once we understand that it stems from a place of fear, instead of reacting with judgment and anger, we can express compassion and understanding.
Knight of Pentacles — Laziness Cause: High Priestess
The High Priestess encourages us to look within ourselves for answers. Instead of external realities and logic, she is guided by her intuition. While this approach is great for matters concerning emotions and creativity, it is limiting on its own. The imagination attained through intuition can’t find expression without mental guidance and physical effort. Those who are constantly living inside their own heads gets nothing done. To others, they merely appear lazy.
Approach: 4 of Pentacles
A person wrapping himself around his coin in a protective manner can suggest a miserly attitude. However, it also stands for securing what is rightfully ours. As the card to represent our approach to those who don’t carry their share of the weight, it advises us to draw our boundaries with these people. While generosity is a virtue, it only spoils those who take it for granted.
Wing is a GTA-based tarot reader and teacher. You can find her on