I was feeling like a fish out of water
Sally is a 28-year-old “STEM nerd” who lives downtown. She says “‘Style’ is a struggle for me. I need to dress professionally, even when I’m working from home. I wear blouses and try to put on makeup every day. My style when I’m not on Zoom is the same as it’s been since high school, which is jeans, hoodies, T-shirts, and sneakers. I used to have pink hair, but I dyed over it because it wasn’t professional and I want to progress in my career.” Sally says she is “young for my age” and “a bit naive.” For fun, she likes to “nerd out” with other people in her field, but also eat sushi, watch Netflix, read fiction and spend time with her “massive extended family.”
As part of my degree I had to spend three months working. I was lucky enough to get the placement I wanted, which was in a city where my friend Lena lived.
I met Lena online through our shared interests. She is slightly older than me and had her own place. She said I could move in with her, and seemed really excited about it. I decided not to because I would be in her city for approximately three months and that’s too long to stay on someone’s couch. Instead I agreed to do it for the week before my placement started, so that I could learn a new city and hopefully find a nice sublet.
Living with Lena was amazing! She had a big group of friends who had known each other since high school. Lena hosted parties all the time and was always having friends over to watch movies and cook big meals. It was the most fun I’ve ever had in my life.
I met Mike at her house. I didn’t think of him at all in a dating way, at least not at first. He was just one of the guys. I thought he was really nice because he talked to me all the time and made sure I was feeling included and felt comfortable with everything that was going on with the group. Mike seemed to be like that with everyone. Lena told me that Mike liked me and had been asking
her about me.
I didn’t know how to respond to that! I felt slightly overwhelmed, even though Mike treated me normally. When Mike asked me to hang out he was really laid-back about it. I said yes and then got worried that I was too awkward about it but Lena assured me I was fine. I had had a boyfriend before this but we were friends first, and I had not been on a real date at this point.
Mike and I met at a restaurant that he chose. It was much fancier than I had expected. I felt underdressed. At the time I had pink hair with black roots growing out, and I was wearing a vintage dress that didn’t seem to be appropriate. Mike didn’t seem to notice, and was a perfect gentleman. He acted like he owned the place but not in an arrogant way. I was amazed at his confidence and ease.
Mike asked me a lot of questions and made me laugh. He was slightly older than me, but it felt like he was much older. I did feel awkward, and at the beginning it was like Mike was a potential boss interviewing me for a position. I was more confident by the time we ordered, and suggested that we split fajitas.
To my surprise Mike told me that he couldn’t split the fajitas and I jokingly asked if he was vegan. He explained that he could only eat fish that day, but not meat, because of his religion. I had never heard of that. I come from a different background and wasn’t sure if he was joking. He explained the history of his religion in a way that didn’t make me feel ignorant, which I appreciated.
I couldn’t really get comfortable again after that. It’s not that I cared if Mike ate meat or not! I felt stupid. I did have a good time with him, but I felt like I was in over my head and like I wasn’t ready for this. I decided to get my confidence up before I went on any more dates.
Sally rates her date (out of 10): 8