University can mean an end for teen relationships

Q: My girlfriend of two years and I both recently turned 18. We went as a couple to work at a summer camp for boys and girls up to age 16.

Our jobs there were for two months. It was demanding sometimes because no camps were open last summer during the pandemic, so this year we had very strict rules to keep everyone safe.

We had expected to spend a lot of time together when campers would be asleep in their cabins. But some evening activities finished late, and after a long, hot day supervising kids from morning through night, we’d agree that we needed sleep more than hanging out.

I now think being there together was a mistake. A couple of times I learned that my girlfriend had stayed up later, talking with a group of counsellors, including one more senior guy who’s 22 and worked there before.

I also saw them together one day, walking from the far corner of the camp property, talking closely.

We’ve been back in the city a few weeks now and she’s different with me. I came right out and asked if there’s something going on with this guy and she swore there’s not. But she’s not the same.

We’re both in our senior year of high school at different locations as we live an hour apart. We both want to get good marks to boost our college/university applications.

We had previously talked about trying to get into the same school but now she says she thinks we should go our own way and focus on our courses in whatever place is best for our own goals.

I know that makes some practical sense but I can’t help feeling this is just her way of breaking up with me

to be free for the other guy. What do you think?

Is My Girlfriend Looking Elsewhere?

A: At 18, you’re both at a crossroads. No matter how close you’ve been, it’s a time of new opportunities regarding schools, courses, locations, new influences and a lot of new people.

Was the older guy just someone she enjoyed talking to? Was he trying to win her interest? Or was she just flattered by his attention to her? Any of these are possibly true.

More important is your own truth: Are you expecting to go to whatever school she prefers, rather than choosing the best acceptance you get that suits your future goal?

You’re at a turning point regarding more than your girlfriend.

This is the year you give your studies your best shot. The reward will be whichever new school you’ll get into, meeting new classmates from many different places and backgrounds — and learning about ideas, cultures, and opportunities you never even thought of before.

Stay friendly with your girlfriend, or agree to take a break. Remember, you have that choice, too.

FEEDBACK Regarding the man who ogled other women while with his girlfriend and another couple (Aug. 16):

Reader: “Having dated a man for 12 years who openly ogled women, she needs to tell her boyfriend to knock it off. I allowed my ex-boyfriend to do this for several years before I said anything.

“His actions made me feel inadequate, humiliated, embarrassed and angry. Men will naturally look at other women. But when your partner openly ogles others, they must be told to stop. If they don't, show them the door.”

Ellie’s tip of the day

Teenage relationships are often more emotional during life’s changes. Focus on your goals, stay friends or take a break.