My exes approached me one by one at the bar
I could sense that the vibe between us was thrown off a bit
Alexandria is a 29-year-old hairstylist who lives in the west end. She says, “I like jeans and vintage T-shirts. I love finding hidden gems in vintage stores. I have over 20 pairs of Converse, in all colours of the rainbow and different prints. I live in my leather jacket eight months of the year.” Alexandria’s friends would say she is “very easy to open up to.” She says “When my attention’s on you, it is 100 per cent on you,” but there are few people who know her “truly, really well.” Alexandria says, “I’m always out with a cappuccino in one hand and a book in the other, headed to the park.” She also likes “cosy bars” and taking walks with friends. She says, “I’m always in some type of relationship, either serious or ‘exploratory.’”
I met Michelle online. I loved her look, it was so unique, but it was her eyes that drew me in. I shot my shot and hit a bull’s eye with her. I liked that she seemed similar to me and had a lot of stories to tell. I’m attracted to people who feel like equals and don’t like when one person “leads” the other, but I still want to learn something. Michelle was interesting and real.
We went out on two dates that turned into multi-day hangouts. By our third date, we had established that we liked each other and had already joked about lesbian “U-Hauling,” which is lesbians bringing a UHaul on one of their first dates to move in together. We weren’t really joking, though, because we’d been spending every available moment together. In a way it felt like we were practically married already.
Michelle set up this date, as I had initiated the previous two. One of her friends was playing at a dive bar and a lot of her friends would be there, so it was a great opportunity for me to meet everyone. We were both working that day, so we decided to meet at the venue. I was looking forward to it. That bar is always a good time and I like the band’s music.
When I got off the streetcar, Michelle was waiting at the front door with my printed-out ticket. She looked really cute. Even though it was getting dark, I could see the excitement in her eyes. I was so attracted to her. How could I not be? A hot babe, the promise of a great night: it was a good-vibe feeling from the beginning.
As we walked upstairs, Michelle was talking about her friend’s band and how they were closing after a couple other bands played. When she mentioned the other bands’ names, my stomach dropped. I knew those bands because I had an ex in both of them.
As soon as I was inside, I saw them right away and, later on, I saw a third ex of mine. I was hopeful that maybe I’d be able to blend in with all of the other leather jacket, vintage T-shirt-wearing people and they wouldn’t see me, but no dice.
Over the course of the night, my exes approached me one by one. It almost seemed like a receiving line. During one of the set breaks, I pulled Michelle aside and apologized. I felt like it must be frustrating or embarrassing for her.
I made it clear that I was there with her and that, while they were people that I had once been involved with, I was no longer involved with them nor was I interested in being involved with them again. The problem is that Toronto is a very, very small city and everyone has seemingly dated everyone and their best friend. Literally!
We had been having fun, but I could also sense that the vibe was thrown off a bit between us. She told me that the situation made her feel vulnerable, even though it was fine and just a coincidence. Hearing her talk openly about that feeling in real time instead of icing me out or acting upset was one of the biggest turn-ons ever!
The date ended on an even better note than when it started. We had faced a situation together, talked through it and come out stronger as a couple. I was proud to call her my girlfriend.
Alexandria rates her date (out of 10): 10