Madonna aims for ‘provocateur,’ but lands on ‘try-hard’
Is it possible Madonna is now bored by Madonna?
Since Y2K, the singer has turned into a human leap year. Every four years, she tries to make headlines, even if fewer and fewer people notice. Oh, there’s an extra day in February? Oh, Madonna is still trying to project her 20-something sex kitten vibes, even though she’s now old enough to qualify for a seniors discount at Pet Valu?
Now, before you accuse me of ageism or sexism, I kindly ask that you first watch Madonna’s Thursday interview with Jimmy Fallon on “The Tonight Show.” Pay attention to her body language as she sits there like a Madame Tussauds statue in fishnets, bustier, chunky jewelry, lacy gloves, stilettos and bleach-blond locks.
In other words, the exact same getup since the ’80s.
This woman, now 63, helped revolutionize the music industry. She was a Billboard-bending, culture-smashing hit machine and her songs — including “Like a Virgin,” “Material Girl,” “Papa Don’t Preach” and “Holiday” — scored the coming-of-age years for multiple generations, especially girls. That is quite an artistic feat.
My coming-of-age years were scored by bands such as Led Zeppelin and Lynyrd Skynyrd. I have tried to introduce this music to my teenage daughters. Based on their visceral reactions — obnoxious gag reflexes and a dramatic covering of ears — I have concluded my love of Zep and Skyn will die with me in this family tree. I would very much like “Stairway to Heaven” to be played at my funeral. But I have a bad feeling my corpse will one day be rattled in a funeral home by The Weeknd and Dua Lipa.
The point is, Madonna was once the Queen of Reinvention. So why does she now look frozen in time?
During Thursday’s interview, Fallon did what he always does, which is to lob fanboy queries while giggling and not making proper eye contact. If this guy was around to interview Vlad the Impaler, he would have started with: “V-Man, have you ever considered putting pompoms on that battle-axe? You are so hardcore! It’s awesome! Are you up for a little musical Jenga?”
“You always do stuff that no one is doing,” Fallon told Madonna, who looked irked, as if forced to chat up a Talking Elmo. “You zig when people are zagging. You do all these things first. And then people take your ideas and they don’t give you credit.”
“Yeah, and they also do not do it as good,” replied Madonna, to muted applause.
Fair enough. And, well, Lady Gaga comes to mind.
But my Irony Meter started to red-line a few minutes later.
Madonna, promoting her new concert doc, “Madame X,” said she is guided by the late James Baldwin: “He was a great source of inspiration for me growing up. And he was a great source of inspiration for the show. And one of the things I quote, over and over again in the show, is that artists are here to disturb the peace.”
When Fallon noted Madonna always gets in “good trouble,” she jumped off the couch to sprawl on his desk, straddling the edge and looking as sexy as a patient on a medical exam table with a pulled hamstring or phantom lower back pains.
Talking Elmo started to malfunction: “No, no, no, Madonna! Stop, stop, stop it. Oh, my heavens. Stop. Stop it. I don’t know what to do. Stop it right now.”
Fallon removed his blazer and covered up Madonna’s unexposed derriere. He tried to create the false impression this wonky segment might lead to an NC-17 rating.
But her silly stunt was PG all the way — as in “please” and “groan.”
I get that Madonna was trying to be a provocateur, circa 1985. It’s why she also pulled up the back of her skirt to give the audience a flash of her backside.
But I’m not sure this is what Baldwin intended when he encouraged artists to disturb the peace. I could be wrong but, if memory serves, I believe he was promoting the confessional nature of art as a titanium key to the shackles of social and racial inequality.
Otherwise, I’m not sure why he name-checked Dostoyevsky. Or warned about the existential “illusion of safety.” Art is important because life is important. What’s not important is what Madonna has become: a caricature of herself.
Again, this is not about age or gender or wardrobe. If Madonna wants to rock fishnets and a bustier when she’s 100, more power to her. But on Thursday, she did not come across as the Queen of Reinvention. She looked entombed in a bygone era.
On social media, “The Tonight Show” tried to market this interview as going “off the rails.” The truth is, there were no tracks. Madonna was going through the motions.
She once delivered karate chops to the zeitgeist. Now she can’t poke us in the eyes.
Watching her awkwardly mount Fallon’s desk was about as titillating as Sudoku. I’m surprised a stagehand didn’t rush onstage with a tube of RUB-A535.
“I still don’t even know who I am,” Madonna told Fallon, near the end.
That seems clear. But if this living legend really wants to disturb the peace and keep reinventing herself, she might consider the two things showbiz abhors.
1. Age gracefully. 2. Don’t try so hard.