Mean Girl tried to hurt my sister

Q: I’m a guy, 18, in first-year university. I recently returned home for a few days, studying and getting over a mild cold. One afternoon, the bell rang, and it was a friend of my little sister’s.

She handed me a package and told me to give it to “Sarah” for her to wear “to the party.” I looked at her funny and said that “Sarah” lives four houses down the road. She laughed and ran away with the package.

When my mom came home from work,

I told her what happened. She was appalled! Apparently, the girl who’d come over was having a party and my sister wasn’t invited.

Her “accidental” drop-off was meant as a taunt for my sister!

I’m so mad, and feel so badly for my sister. What should we do about this?

(P.S.: I changed the kid’s name.)

Big Brother

A: You’ve already learned a great deal more about decency and fairness than that younger girl who “taunted” your sister. By not disclosing the real name of “Sarah” you purposely chose to not out her publicly, despite your anger at her meanness toward your sister. (By the way, I, too, don’t name people in this column. It’s people’s relationship behaviour that matters.)

Meanwhile, your younger sister, whom you obviously care about a lot, has to deal with this blatant insult. Due to a forthcoming party that includes other girls she’ll know and likely sees regularly at school, leaving her out is tantamount to bullying.

Why? When everyone present realizes she’s not included, the question, “why not?” will be raised. (Either that or all the other guests already know this was done purposefully.)

You’re the lead in recognizing how devastating this exclusion can feel to a young girl. Still, I believe you should involve your mother, if possible, in the next step to resolving this mean-spirited matter.

She should approach the parents of “Sarah” and you should accompany her, so the information you repeat is the exact words the girl presented to you, laughing then running away. If told matter-of-factly, with concern for both your sister and the neighbour’s daughter — because bullying tends to become known and get dealt with by the school — hopefully the mother will talk to her daughter about this and insist on inviting your sister.

If it’s too late for the party, it’s even more important the incident’s addressed — both to “Sarah’s” parents and the school, especially to the girls’ teachers who may have already noticed this excluding behaviour.

Reader’s commentary: Regarding the mother and her daughter, both heartbroken over her boyfriend of two years blatantly cheating at a party with a colleague (Nov. 10):

“I agree with the advice that the best this mother can do is to simply support her daughter who’s now lost self-confidence and is battling depression while he insists that he still loves her. The mother says of the distraught young woman, ‘She’s getting stronger daily.’ So it’s time for the mother to place more emphasis on this positive view.

“I also suggest that both mother and daughter take a look at the bigger picture: Since the couple are ‘both in their 20s’ they are still maturing.

“This shocking event for her daughter will become a major life lesson as she continues to mature and applies her eye-opening experience to future relationships.

“Consider how many people, unfortunately, learn this lesson later in life, sometimes when young children are involved in the aftermath.”

Ellie’s tip of the day

It takes a community to combat bullying among students, by speaking to the parents, school authorities and the relevant teachers.

Ellie Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star