January’s gloom gets me feeling depressed
Q Is it just me or is January the most depressing month of the year? For years, I’ve known that once New Year’s Eve was over, there’d be bleak days ahead.
Who wants to go outside when it’s gloomy, gets dark early and black ice hiding under a snowfall can cause a serious accident? That’s some of what affects me physically ... but what about the winter “blues” I feel when the only thing to look forward to is Valentine’s Day?
It’s weeks until Feb. 14, and often lonely when you’re like me, a single woman, 34, with no partner, and no affordable time off from work for a winter getaway, not even for a week.
OK, that’s enough moaning. But do you have any suggestions for getting through the bleakest of days?
Dark Days, Lonely Nights
A No, it’s not just you, experiencing this reaction. SAD, the fitting acronym for Seasonal Affective Disorder, has been understood by doctors and scientists for many years. It can affect people for a month at a time and is believed to be related to how we humans respond to sunlight.
My own reaction to wakening to dark mornings is to turn on every light in my place, plus the radio for voices to stir my slower-waking mind. But some people, possibly you, need a more directed approach to hopefully combating SAD. Psychiatry classifies it as a form of depression, described in the Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders as Major Depressive Disorder with Seasonal Pattern. It usually occurs during the fall/winter months when there’s less sunlight, and usually improves with the arrival of spring.
Symptoms of SAD include fatigue, even with too much sleep! Also, weight gain associated with overeating and carbohydrate cravings is common, as is depressed mood, loss of energy, feeling worthless, even in despair.
But SAD can be treated and become manageable. Example: Sitting in front of a light therapy box for about 20 minutes first thing each morning. Cognitive behaviour therapy can be effective. Also, specific antidepressant medications are prescribed for some patients.
The sooner you contact your family doctor and/or a therapist for virtual appointments, the better. Your doctor will want to check closer that there’s no other medical cause for your changed behaviour and symptoms.
Q I’m one of five children, my sister lives 645 kilometres away, caregiving for our elderly mom who has mobility issues.
I was returning home from visits feeling traumatized because my sister constantly yells across rooms. But the only way to see Mom was in this chaotic home.
I quit going for Christmas and went every couple of years in the summer, when I didn’t have to be inside much. I couldn’t handle my sister’s rules.
Last summer, Mom was turning 90. Summer time, I went there and slept in a neighbour’s trailer over five days. I hugged Mom goodbye knowing I’ll never go again if my sister’s there.
After dinner, she announced, not joking, “Everyone can go home now.”
My other brother and his wife spent over $2,000 to travel there.
No one wins in a family feud so I said nothing about her disrespect. It’d only hurt Mom. Any wise words for me?
Disgusted Sibling
A You said the wise words yourself: “No one wins in a family feud.”
Your sister’s providing needed care on behalf of five mostly absentee siblings. She’s resentful. She yells across physical distance from her “patient” instead of always rushing over. She vents her frustration and control.
Thank her.
Ellie’s tip of the day
Some people become their elderly parent’s caregiver because no other relative would or could.