Longtime friends turn into long-distance lovers
Sarah is 27, works in communications and lives in Parkdale. She says “I love surrounding myself with soft, light colours. Most of my clothes are pinks, purples and blues.” Sarah says her friends and family would describe her as “quiet, thoughtful, always getting lost in a new creative project or idea.” She says that she sees herself as “deeper and more complicated than I come across to others.” Sarah likes photography, flower arranging, journaling, creating playlists and walking around the city “in the nice weather — I tend to hibernate in the winter.” Sarah has been single for “several years” and says she likes guys who are “funny, smart, generous and curious.”
Malcolm and I were close in university. I always felt a kindred connection to him but never thought of him in a romantic way. We reconnected based on our shared sense of “distance” from our friends. I felt “behind the curve” compared with my cohort. I felt like I was constantly starting my life over and not gaining traction in areas like work and relationships. Malcolm expressed that he felt the same way. Neither of us wanted to settle or make certain life decisions before we were ready.
Our reconnection occurred as Malcolm was getting ready to leave the city for a graduate-school program in a smaller town. He was focused on entering the prestigious program, and a lot of his attention was rightfully devoted to that. I didn’t have the sense that there would be room for me in his new life. In fact I had a hard time seeing myself in his life at all. I felt small and insignificant compared with the dream he was fulfilling. I was also hesitant to try to connect with him in a romantic way since he was about to leave the city, even though I wanted to.
Malcolm intuited my feelings, and shared his own feelings about leaving so soon after our reconnection. We decided to “tentatively” start a relationship. Taking things slow was best for us, and we came up with a realistic schedule that would allow us to cultivate things slowly.
Malcolm had moved to a quiet and charming part of the town, and when I arrived for our first “date,” I was awestruck by how sweet it was. We had planned a calm and relaxing day together with a late lunch, because I was planning to drive home before it got dark. I didn’t want to assume and I didn’t want Malcolm to assume that I would be staying over, and artificially push the relationship forward. I quickly found out that there were more complications to long-distance dating than I had thought!
After a stroll around, Malcolm and I went to the one nice restaurant in the area. I’d assumed that Malcolm had checked their hours online, but it turned out that he had not, and they weren’t open for lunch. This would normally irritate me to no end, but Malcolm’s response immediately softened me. It had slipped his mind to check amid all of the new things happening in his life, but he felt so bad about it. He said he was worried about not showing me a good time. I expressed to him that I didn’t care at all and just liked being out together.
Instead, we went to the grocery store to get food to eat at Malcolm’s apartment. It was interesting to be in a grocery store in a new place, like it was familiar but in a strange way. Dreamlike.
I felt grounded being there with Malcolm, which I took as a good sign. We had fun wandering around picking out snacks. Talking about food is a good way to get comfortable.
When we left the grocery store, we noticed some shopping carts that had been left in an empty part of the parking lot, and Malcom said he wanted to push me around in one. I hopped in and screamed with joy as we raced around the parking lot in the cart.
Back at his apartment, we ate our food “picnic-style” on his floor, because he didn’t have a table or chairs yet. I wouldn’t say it was romantic, as it was fairly uncomfortable, but it was fun. I was happy to be there.
Sarah rates her date (out of 10): 10