LaFlamme the latest ‘Gone Girl’

The sudden dismissal of Lisa LaFlamme, 58, as chief anchor and senior editor at CTV National News, and her replacement by a 39-year-old male, did not go well, not at all.

The public termination of a much-loved figure in Canadian journalism was one thing. But a stricken LaFlamme had to announce the news personally on Twitter, rather than offer her farewell on CTV itself.

Who jumped in suddenly to tweet how “excited” he was to get her job? Her replacement, Omar Sachedina, who may be a fine TV journalist, but whose social skills match those of CTV management: awkward, off-putting, viewer-alienating.

LaFlamme’s predecessor, Lloyd Robertson, left his job at age 77. CBC anchor Peter Mansbridge retired at 69. So what was it about LaFlamme that put her in Robertson’s same place of vanishment 21 years sooner? Hmmm.

As The Beaverton, Canada’s cherished satirical (“say young”) and young newspaper reported, CTV owner Bell Media must have known they’d messed up, apologizing for having subjected viewers to the sight of an old, old woman.

They had apparently been distracted by LaFlamme’s continuing hotness, saying, according to The Beaverton, “Women over the age of fifty should not be anchoring the news, they should be taking it easy by knitting, gardening, or playing with their great-grandchildren.”

Sachedina, said The Beaverton, is expected to stay in the position until he either “quits due to extreme old age or dies from extreme old age.” But from now on, CTV female staffers will undergo regular birth certificate checks and have their telomeres measured for signs of chromosomal aging. So that’s good.

Further afield, women are disappearing everywhere. J.K. Rowling, speaking in support of writer Salman Rushdie, nearly killed onstage last week, received even more death threats than usual.

Rowling has defended the continued use of the word “woman” over terms preferred by some, i.e. “menstruators.” But the Scottish writer is out on a limb there.

I was entertained to hear that a local Scottish council has named the nation’s first “Period Dignity Officer,” who will travel the country telling people about periods and products for “anyone of any gender,” menopause and other matters uterine.

He is Jason Grant, a personal trainer who appears to be in his twenties, which means he will likely, à la CTV, remain in the job hectoring people about cramps for the next 47 years.

Sadly, Grant’s hiring has led to typically blunt Scottish remarks: “institutional mansplaining;” “idiocy;” “f--ing ridiculous” (that last one was from Martina Navratilova).

“Have we ever tried to explain to men how to shave or how to take care of their prostate or whatever?” Navratilova was pretty steamed, but Grant, currently reading insertion instructions on tampon boxes with increasing panic, will stay the course.

Women continue to disappear from news stories where they are most likely to appear: police reports of “people” being sexually assaulted and murdered, and stories about “pregnant people” in Canada’s understocked hospitals.

The vanishing of women may be caused by backlash against women’s gains in previous decades — we had jobs and everything — but it may also be pandemic panic. Like all media, CTV wants attention, but there’s a dilemma.

You may decide to repel older viewers, but they’re the ones with money.

Younger viewers sound attractive, but can they afford to subscribe to CTV’s online journalism? Do they even want it? Why?

Readers and viewers develop passionate attachments. I, for instance, watch “How To With John Wilson,” a documentary series about the serial humiliations of a gentle soul living in New York. I don’t know what HBO charges me and I don’t care. I must have Wilson, 35, and his elderly landlady, about LaFlamme’s age, say, 87, in my life.

And that’s how you make money. A womanless world does not attract me. I won’t subscribe to it, watch it, read it or vote for it. I wish CTV well in its future endeavours. Good day to you, sir.

Who jumped in suddenly to tweet how ‘excited’ he was to get LaFlamme’s job? Her replacement, Omar Sachedina, who may be a fine TV journalist, but whose social skills match those of CTV management: awkward, off-putting, viewer-alienating