The lonely heart seeks company
It can happen at any time, anywhere. You meet someone, exchange a few words, even a glance, and then continue on your way. But you keep thinking about the person you just met. You feel silly, even embarrassed, lest they see the rush of colour to your face.
It’s called an attraction!
You might even ask yourself, “What was that about?” … then dismiss the thought. Later, the feeling returns. You call a friend and ask if they know the person you saw. Embarrassed, you ask further questions based on this briefest of meetings.
You feel restless. So you show up at the place where you first encountered this unknown person. Time passes, and you laugh at yourself. Then, the call comes that you’ve waited and hoped for.
Yes, that’s how the daydream of a potential relationship can preoccupy one’s mind.
Whatever your age, or your previous dating or partner connection, the lonely heart seeks company. I’ve known it to happen in many different circumstances, even soon after the painful passing of a loved one, or the harsh and surprising declaration of an imminent split in what seemed a solid relationship.
When it comes to addressing a crush, there are a few responses that can work. Be bold, if you can handle that approach, and call or email the person you met, saying you found your brief chat very interesting. Ask if they would they like to meet for coffee or lunch to discuss it further.
Or try a somewhat subtler path to discuss the topic that had been mentioned earlier; for example, seek a research article about it and question what the other person’s thoughts are by comparison.
If few to no positive responses are forthcoming, gently back away, then casually wish the person well and move on. It means you don’t make contact again, until — and unless — this remote person reaches out to you in some way.
In other words, “attraction” can be misleading, and it’s up to the interested person to consider and weigh their own feelings and motives. Relationships rarely just knock on your door. Instead, they sometimes develop from misinterpretation, occasionally amusing, other times hurtful.
Over the years of having answered countless requests from readers seeking personal relationship advice, I’m now focused on the larger canvas of many common reactions to sudden changes in many peoples’ lives. These often include private inner fears of being “left behind” while seeing friends, colleagues, and siblings, moving forward in their social lives, personal connections, and even affecting their self-confidence at work.
Starting next week, I’ll be focusing on a different theme every Saturday, considering the many emotions that are involved, or missing, in relationships of many kinds. Watch for these topics that can affect a person’s sense of the following: jealousy, young love, seniors and sex, being dumped, sibling rivalry (all ages), falling in love again and gossip to name just a few and in no particular order.
Of course, the possibilities of an attraction can strike you or someone you’ve met, at any time, from the very young to the significantly aged. And you want to be clear about how you react and respond.
You must know yourself and your own emotional strengths. If that’s not in your mindful tool box, you’re being unfair to both yourself and any other person who seemingly reached out to you, albeit briefly.
You must think positively about your ability to respond to that gesture. If instead you’re mired in hurt feelings from a previous relationship, it’s up to you to move on and do both of you a favour. Or at least explain to a potential date-seeker the timing is just not right for you currently.
Without even realizing it, that level of honesty can easily turn out to help you make a friend rather than feel hurt or rejected. And, if you’re still interested, it can be a go-slow situation. Or a signal to move on and forget this very brief encounter that has gone nowhere.
Meanwhile, be true to your reality: You’re seeking a relationship, but this brief encounter isn’t the gateway to that something special. If you want connection, it must come about in a real way, either the other person reaches out, or you do.
Bottom line: Attraction is a very early factor in what may or may not develop into a relationship. The next step is up to you. Speak up, or forget it!
Starting next week, I’ll be focusing on a different theme every Saturday, considering the many emotions that are involved, or missing, in relationships of many kinds