Scared to visit friend living in the big city

My high school best friend moved to New York after university. She has an awesome job, a great apartment and is loving life in the Big Apple. She has invited me to come and visit a million times, but I have yet to visit.

The truth is, I’m scared.

All I see on social media is the scary stuff, things like the guy who got shot on the subway, or the looters who went into that store, or the guys on the street yelling at each other.

We finally agreed I would come in the spring, because the sun would be shining and we’d walk everywhere. I literally had just booked my ticket when she called to tell me she got mugged walking home from the movie theatre.

I don’t want to go. Help!

Scared of the City

I’m sorry to hear about your friend’s experience. That must have been terrifying for her.

I understand fear, the physical ways it can manifest, and the “freeze” that accompanies it. Fortunately, many fears can be overcome. You and your friend found a way to avoid having to face some of your fears by visiting in the spring and not planning on using the subway. That was brilliant.

According to FOX News and Mayor Eric Adams, crime in NYC has decreased in the streets and subways. They say New York is the “safest big city in America.”

But if you are still too afraid and won’t be able to comfort her or enjoy yourself then don’t go. If you think you can handle it, give it a try. I’m sure your friend would love to see you.

In university I was set up on a blind date with a guy in my Political Science class. We went out for dinner and talked until they kicked us out of the restaurant. As we walked home, our conversation was light, easy and non-stop. When we got to my place, we looked at each other and started laughing. He asked me if I knew why he was laughing, and we both agreed that we had just met a best friend but not a romantic partner.

Easiest let down to give and receive ever. From that day forward, we were inseparable. We went to class together, ate lunch together and hung out all the time. At one point, he started sleeping with a friend of mine, and I started sleeping with a guy I met through him.

Fast forward and I met my husband. The two guys became fast friends, to my utmost happiness and surprise. We quickly had two children, and my bestie became the most fun uncle ever.

And then he met his person. From their first date, I could tell she didn’t like me. We went on a double date, and she flirted with my husband — in front of us! Their relationship moved quickly and the next thing I knew, they were married, and we hadn’t spoken in a year.

Both my husband and I have reached out to him, our friend, to see each other, get together as couples, whatever, just to be together. There’s always an excuse stemming from her. What do we do?

Double dumped

This is a sad yet common story. For whatever reason, she is jealous/insecure/judgmental of this past friendship and wants to start fresh with her guy.

It’s not a healthy approach to any relationship because we all come with a background and baggage.

The key to a healthy relationship is learning about each other’s past and backgrounds and incorporating them into your lives, including the friends you had before the union. However, you can only do so much. Try as hard as you feel comfortable doing. You may have success, yet you may not.