I made a big life change and I’m re­gret­ting it. How do I undo ev­ery­thing?

Toronto Sun - - LIFE - AN­DREA BONIOR

Q: I need to press a re­set but­ton on a bad de­ci­sion I made. Last year I quit my job and moved back to my par­ents’ house to go back to school in a dif­fer­ent field. I am one se­mes­ter in and very much re­gret­ting it. It is not for me. I know I can’t get my old job back, but I don’t know how to start to undo this. I feel that I’ll dis­ap­point and worry my par­ents, and I’m hon­estly dis­ap­pointed in my­self, and feel so stuck.

A: A re­frame is im­por­tant here: You aren’t re­ally stuck, though you can’t see that now. You’re just at a cross­roads. You de­cide when to be­come un­stuck, by turn­ing your de­sire for change into con­crete ac­tion, and get­ting started. Re­set but­tons don’t ex­ist in real life; there’s no in­stan­ta­neous fix that will re­store all your set­tings to fac­tory de­faults. But that’s a good thing, be­cause you don’t want to erase what you’ve learned in this de­tour. It’s im­por­tant in­for­ma­tion that can lend clar­ity and fuel to the next steps you take. So, start defin­ing your re­set as a se­ries of small, con­crete steps — some awk­ward, some an­noy­ing, some just hard.

But get go­ing, re­mem­ber­ing that in just a few years, one se­mes­ter’s worth of way­lay is go­ing to seem a laugh­ably short blip on the screen. — Bonior, a Wash­ing­ton, D.C.area clin­i­cal psy­chol­o­gist, writes a weekly re­la­tion­ships ad­vice col­umn in The Wash­ing­ton Post’s Ex­press daily tabloid and is au­thor of “The Friend­ship Fix.”

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