My dad’s gifts to us on his birthday

Dad has been content since he moved into the Villa and he never asks to leave. He’s also never been resentful towards us for taking him out of his home. It’s the best scenario we could have hoped for.

On the day of my dad's birthday this past weekend, he called me by my first name, or referred to me in conversation by my name, nearly 10 times.

I was astonished.

We were celebrating his birthday but it was my dad who was giving gifts to our family. He also called my mom Marie by her name, and did the same with my sister Lisa and my niece Kailynn.

He was alert, chatty, funny and even a bit of a prankster. My friend Tanya and I both caught him winking at me after he said something to my sister that wasn't quite true. His tell-tale wink. I hadn't seen that in a long time.

This was a different type of birthday celebration. We weren't celebrating at home, at least not dad's old home. We instead were celebrating at his new home – Villa St. Joseph du Lac, where he has now lived for six weeks.

We moved dad into longterm care the week after we said goodbye to my son Justin – in fact, just eight days after Justin's celebration of life while our hearts were still shattered.

‘The call' for dad had come two days before we moved him in.

It was overwhelming – losing Justin and now moving dad into long-term care so soon. But dealing with both death and dementia was also overwhelming. I know I didn't have the energy for it.

So while it was a lot to deal with in a short period of time, it was also a blessing. Dad's physical needs had become too much for us. Now we could go back to being his family, instead of his caregivers.

Because being his caregivers had been overwhelming too.

Dad has been content since he moved into the Villa and he never asks to leave. He's also never been resentful towards us for taking him out of his home. It's the best scenario we could have hoped for.

It took some time for the staff to figure dad out – like when it came to giving him his pills and changing him. For many months he's been uncooperative on both fronts. But little by little – while also being short-staffed, as most long-term care facilities are – they have picked up tricks, as did we, to make these tasks easier for them and for dad.

I'm not sure if it's because his medications have been tweaked, but in recent weeks I'm noticing my dad is remembering our names more so than before. Up until about two weeks ago, he hadn't called me by my name since November. He's also recalling the names of other people he used to know and/or work with and places that are familiar to him – people and places we hadn't heard about in a very long time.

When he's in a chatty mode his conversations don't make sense, but lately there's enough familiarity in parts of them that the conversations have become more meaningful and bring back memories for us.

Something else that's happened in the past couple of weeks is my dad Alain has started recognizing his brother Bernie again. They live on the same wing, in fact, they're practically neighbours. For the first few weeks they'd sit just feet apart from one another not knowing who the other person was.

But lately dad has been calling Bernie by name. He talks to him, he asks about him, and he asks questions to him when they're sitting close together. That's been nice to see because they were very close before dementia entered both of their lives and then for a long time – for years – they were separated because of it.

In a long line of many firsts, my dad's 78th birthday was his first birthday since Justin died. Because of his dementia, my dad doesn't know Justin is gone. But the fact that Justin wasn't here to help his grandpere celebrate his birthday was very much on my mind throughout the day.

But a day that could have been so very sad for me was actually a happy one. Who knows, perhaps Justin pulled some strings on that front.

The following day when I went to visit dad again, as I entered his wing there he was, going for a walk. He walked over to me and gave me a hug.

When it came time for me to leave a couple of hours later, as I said goodbye to him I asked him for a hug.

“I already gave you one,” he said to me.

“That's right,” I told him. “You did give me one.”

This time he gave me a smile instead. It felt just as nice.