Abigail Van Buren

Dear Abby

should abandon ship. Could you please let me know how I should handle my situation? – MIXED SIGNALS IN VIRGINIA

You may be madly in love with this man, but unless you have agreed that your relationship with him is exclusive, he should not be grilling you about your friendships with your male friends. That he comes over with no notice hoping to catch you cheating is more than a little sick and what he pulled during his midnight prowl is off the charts.

It is important you understand the only way he will ever overcome his insecurities and inability to trust will be with professional help. He is so messed up that you could enter a convent and he would mount a security camera at the back door to make sure you weren’t going out on him. Not only should you abandon ship, you should run like heck once you reach dry land. Hasn’t it occurred to you that this may be the reason two wives left him?

I am older than my wife by 10 years. We have been married six years and we have six children between us. We tried for another, but my wife miscarried.

I decided to have a vasectomy because my wife was determined to have a baby without regard for my wishes or the extreme stress happening in our lives at the time. Begrudgingly, I am going to have it reversed, even though the cost of the procedure is more than we can afford right now. I believe we have other, more important issues to put the money toward. This is a hot topic and it always leads to fights. I don’t know if our relationship will last much longer if it isn’t resolved. Advice, Abby? – ANGUISHED IN AUSTIN

Put that vasectomy reversal on hold. What you and your wife need far more is to resolve the problems in what is clearly a troubled marriage. Do not consider surgery until these matters have been put to rest because whatever is going on, another baby is not the answer.