Age is a barrier to daughter joining mom’s social club

DEAR ABBY: I am part of a small social ladies group. The eight of us range in age from mid50s to late-60s. We get together once a month for lunch, a movie, dinner, shopping, etc. I look forward to it, and we always have a good time.

Recently, we lost a few members due to relocating, and the subject came up about trying to get a few more women interested in joining us. When I mentioned it to my daughter, who is in her early 30s, she got very excited and wants to join. When I approached the group about it, they were dead set against it, which surprised me. They feel it would change the atmosphere of the group because of the age difference.

I haven’t told my daughter yet because I know her feelings will be hurt. Now I’m torn about whether to continue with this group of ladies, since I’m upset that my daughter will be excluded for a reason I consider to be trivial. Help! — SOCIAL LADY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SOCIAL LADY: The way to handle it is to explain to your daughter that the other members of the group prefer socializing with women their own age, which is why she won’t be invited to join them. Explain that it isn’t personal, that they might not feel comfortable discussing issues in front of her that she has yet to face.

DEAR ABBY: “Russ,” my part- ner of 33 years, passed away nine months ago. Needless to say, it has been a tough time for me. I had a close relationship with his sister, who lives down the street. She and her husband were very supportive after Russ’ death.

Russ’ sister knows me only within the context of being her brother’s husband. Now that he’s gone, and I’m back to being a single gay man, how do I set boundaries without offending her? — SINGLE AGAIN

DEAR SINGLE: Could you be feeling guilty for deciding to start a new phase in your life? (You shouldn’t, because it’s normal and natural.) Russ’ sister isn’t some stranger who is trying to pry. She probably regards you as her surrogate brother. These are questions she would ask Russ if he had lived and you had passed away. Please try to be less sensitive when she shows an interest. However, if that’s not possible, you will have to level with her about how her questions make you feel.