Nova Scotia grandparent finds support with GRANS

Conflicts often lead to relationships with children being cut off

EDITOR’S NOTE: For the purpose of this article, names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved and their families.

At one point, Lana feared she might never see her grandchildren again. She was also afraid for their safety in a home with fighting and drugs.

“My daughter Tracey and her boyfriend sold and smoked weed, ordered take out and laid in bed a lot of the time,” she said. “They fought a lot and weren’t very good housekeepers. They were arrested for having drugs and were evicted several times. Then there were home invasions, where drugs and money were taken. I said, these kids cannot keep living like this.”

When Lana tried to talk to her daughter about the dangers of her lifestyle, they ended up fighting and Tracey would ban her from seeing the children for a while.

“I was just beside myself and didn’t know where to turn,” said Lana.

She was unemployed at the time, so she went to Legal Aid and said she felt her grandchildren were in danger.

The situation wasn’t something Lana had ever expected when Tracey was in school, getting excellent grades and working part time. In late 2007 Tracey met Luke and shortly after, she dropped out of school. A few months later, at the age of 17, she announced she was pregnant.

Sarah was born in 2009 and, although Tracey and Luke had their own apartment, Lana helped out whenever possible. A second child, Jack, was born in 2011.

“When I had free time, I took the children to my house, the beach or movies,” said Lana. “They also went to daycare. It was good for them to get away from all that was going on at home.

“Tracey would get angry with me when I talked to her about things like cleaning up, and sometimes she’d make me leave.

“She wouldn’t let me go to Sarah’s seventh birthday party, and that broke my heart. I did buy gifts and have someone else take them to her.”

Tracey blew up at her mother the day she was served with family court papers, and Lana was not only blocked from seeing her grandchildren but couldn’t speak to them over the phone.

“I died a little every day I couldn’t see those kids,” she said. “I was always their soft place to land, and I was so worried.”

When she discovered the Grandparents’ Rights Association for Nova Scotia (GRANS), she found the emotional support she needed, as well as a valuable source of information.

Members were ready to share what they’d learned and Nattie Turner-gerroir, executive director of GRANS, went to a court appearance with Lana.

She got an interim order to have the children with her every second Tuesday after school, but even that didn’t go smoothly.

“The first day I went to school with the court order I found the kids hadn’t been sent to school,” she said.

Things have improved enough that she’s able to see them every Tuesday, and Luke is now working and attending an anger management program.

Although she sees positive changes, Lana knows there’s still a long way to go

“I hope things never again get as bad as they were,” she said. “I just want everybody to get along and do the best for the kids. I’ve had a lot of difficult times in life, but the worst time was when I didn’t get to see my grandkids.

“Thank goodness for GRANS. The support I got there really helped me get through it.”