The gift of belonging
Officially being adopted by foster family means everything to 30-year-old woman
It’s been three weeks since Jessica King sat eagerly by the Christmas tree with her boyfriend in their St. John’s home on Christmas Day to open gifts.
But she’s still on Cloud 9 after receiving one gift in particular.
“It was the most significant gift I’ve ever received,” King said.
Wrapped in pretty paper, with a ribbon and bow – decorated meticulously by her boyfriend of four years, Ryan Macfarlane – a box contained something she had waited decades to receive: a declaration that she had an official family.
Amidst sheets of tissue paper were adoption papers, which would see the 30-year-old woman be officially adopted by the foster family that raised her from the time she was six months old.
“For a few minutes, I was in complete shock,” King said. “I thought, what’s happening? What am I reading? Is this real?”
When she realized what it was, she broke down in tears.
“No words can describe it,” she said.
King was born in Stephenville, N.L., and raised by the Pilgrim family, who took her into their home and cared for her after her birth mother wasn’t able to. Even when she required emergency heart surgery in St. John’s for a ventricular septal defect at six months old, her foster family was there.
King had a wonderful childhood, with loving, patient, steadfast and supportive foster parents, Clayton and Dinah Pilgrim. But deep down, she always wished they would adopt her, she said.
She gave up on the idea once she became an adult.
But a trip to a St. John’s supermarket gave Macfarlane the idea of making it happen for her.
In June of last year, he was in a checkout line when he saw a copy of The Telegram that featured a story about a Conception Bay South family adopting their 24-year-old foster son.
That set the wheels in motion and Macfarlane contacted King’s foster father. It turned out the 87-year-old, who lives in Deer Lake, had been thinking about it for years.
He and his wife, who died in 2007, had adopted their other foster children, but they were prevented from adopting King because her birth mother had been fighting any attempts to go to court, he said.
When some time had passed and King’s birth mother had died, her foster father wanted to finally make it happen, but was overwhelmed by the court process.
With her foster father’s blessing, Macfarlane got to work, notifying the rest of the family and collecting all the necessary signatures and legal papers.
Having kept it a secret from her for weeks, he couldn’t wait to see her reaction on Christmas morning.
“The way she broke down, I saw 30 years of pain finally being released,” Macfarlane said. “It had been burdening her and holding her down her whole life… She was shaking two hours later … I have never seen her, or anyone, so happy in all my life.
“It was overwhelming for both of us. I’ve shed as many tears as she has.”
She was so grateful for such an incredible gift.
“I feel like a weight I’ve been carrying for the past 30 years is finally gone,” she said.
“I feel complete. I’m finally (officially) a part of my family.”
The couple filed the adoption papers at Newfoundland and Labrador Family Court.
Once approved by a judge, the documents will officially be issued at the department of vital statistics. King will then be free to officially change her name. The process is expected to be completed by the end of February.