‘Burnout is a real thing’
East Coast moms encourage women to prioritize self-care
When you fly, flight attendants say to put on your oxygen mask first in case of an emergency before you attend to others.
The same is true for moms, says Maria Terstege from Charlottetown, P.E.I.
“You are not going to be of much help to anyone if you don’t help yourself,” she says of being a mom.
Self-care in the world of a mother isn’t a new topic, but with the everyday demands that seem to chip away at every available minute she has for herself, it does often fall by the wayside.
With Mother’s Day coming up on May 8, SaltWire Network caught up with some mothers in Atlantic Canada, asking them what they do to take care of themselves.
“It (self-care) doesn’t have to be elaborate; a walk with a friend, a bath or dancing it out in the kitchen if you have the house to yourself,” shares Terstege, echoing the sentiments of most of the moms we spoke to. From deciding to spend a whole day at home or catching a few extra hours of sleep one morning, the moments of respite these moms fit into their daily lives seem like simple joys but they do a world of good.
“You can’t pour from an empty cup,” was the popular sentiment all around.
‘GIVE YOURSELF A MOMENT’
Krystle Agnew — a 39-yearold mom of six from Amherst, N.S. — knows this well. She has her hands full with caring for her family and running her own online business, Stat N Co., which specializes in baby accessories and boutique items like baby clothes, headbands, and bows.
Agnew loves being a mother, and especially enjoys the unconditional love she receives from her children.
She does find it challenging, however, when it comes to loving and caring for herself as much as she does for the other people in her life.
As her children get older and become teenagers, she is learning as she goes about compromise and communication with them.
“Self-care doesn’t have to be every day; it doesn’t even have to be once a week. Even
if you do it every couple of weeks, just give yourself a moment,” she says. “Whether it’s going for coffee by yourself or whether it’s going shopping.”
Agnew enjoys thrift shopping, so she spends an hour or so every now and again engaging in that activity.
“It gives me the time to focus and breathe,” she says.
Taking care of herself helps her avoid burnout.
“Burnout is a real thing,” warns Agnew. “It doesn’t just affect you. It affects everyone in your household. It’s like a domino effect. If you’re burned out, you don’t have the energy or time to put forth into doing things like going outside and playing with your kids.”
Burgeo, Pam Van Horn from N.L., says simply that you can’t function if your battery is dead.
“So recharging those batteries is essential.”
Van Horn is a stay-at-home mom with a small business she runs from home. She also volunteers and serves on a committee.
“I’m the first to lend a hand to anyone. Oftentimes, my battery is on critical,” she says.
“I should follow my own advice and pamper myself a bit more, but there’s just never enough time.”
HARDER THAN YOU THINK
PEI-based mom Jannett Jones shares candidly that it’s been terribly hard for her not to spend every extra cent she has on a bill, her home, or her kids.
“I have only begun last year
self-compassion after learning about and self-awareness. We can’t keep giving until we have nothing left to give or we will have just that, nothing,” she says.
“We are just as important as everyone else. Yes, we may be able to do without it, but why should we? The bills will always be there.”
Jessica Meisner, from Kingston, N.S., says that for the first three years of her daughter’s life, she took no time for herself.
“I almost lost who I am, giving all of myself, which actually took away from my family’s happiness,” she shares.
She wasn’t happy, and her family felt it. Now, Meisner tries to add balance to her life every day.
“Doing something I want to do for 30 minutes to one hour. It might be a TV show, a nap, reading a book, a walk, messing with my fish or tanks, spending time grooming my emotional support pooch (he thinks he is),” she shares.
These little pockets of time she carves out for herself have, in turn, given her the space she needs to reset, pause, and reflect.
“Allowing me to be a better mom, wife, and person.”
DIFFERING NEEDS
Sandra Graham from P.E.I. thinks that not everyone needs the same thing when it comes to self-care.
“Each person needs to figure out what it is they need to take care of themselves and know how often and for how long they need to do that,” she says.
For her, self-care is getting enough sleep, letting go of things she can’t change, and getting the things she likes to do done.
“I do a lot for others, but I like to, and I know my limits. Self-care is kindness to the one who matters most — yourself,” she shares, adding quickly, “Oh, and not having a perfect house is No. 1 on my self-care list.”
Self-care is often visualized as time away from your children, involving spa days or coffee dates with friends. But for Isabelle Duclos, from Charlottetown, it’s a little more than that.
“While I think those are all important, I’ve come to realize that self-care goes much deeper than that, and ‘taking care of myself’ isn’t always synonymous with an afternoon at the salon,” she says.
Duclos says it’s much harder to be kind, patient, and feel good about yourself if you don’t give yourself even the most basic time of day. “Sometimes, self-care is simply asking myself what I need most at the moment, rather than what would make me happiest,” she says.
“For me, that looks like finding ways to make sure I get plenty of sleep, moisturizing before bed, getting dressed “properly” every day — even if I am planning to stay home all day.”
Halifax resident Karen Bitten agrees, who lists taking
baths, working out, watching TV alone, drinking tea, seeing a friend, or having lunch or dinner among her self-care techniques.
“Sometimes we get really crazy and go to the movies or rent a cottage as a group,” she says.
“Mothers are still women, people, with thoughts and opinions. We deserve time to remember who we are, considering we spend so much time doing for others.”
“You are not going to be of much help to anyone if you don’t help yourself.” Maria Terstege
‘YOU’RE GOOD ENOUGH’
It seems all these Atlantic Canadian moms would all agree that self-care doesn’t have to be glamorous, way out there, or expensive in any shape or form (even though if you choose to do that, that’s great too).
Rather, it’s about being mindful throughout the day and stopping to think about yourself and what your mind and body may need to recentre.
“When someone asks you what you want for Mother’s Day, don’t say ‘nothing.’ Get that spa day, you deserve to be appreciated and to be treated like the queens you are,” adds Jones.
Agnew’s message this Mother’s Day is simple:
“you’re good enough.”
“Through all the challenges you face as a mom, sometimes you think you’ve failed or you didn’t do enough with your kids. You’re still good enough. What you do is good enough,” she says.
The pandemic has, without a doubt, added that extra layer of challenge for Agnew, just like for most other moms, when it came to connecting with other moms and having a circle of support.
“And you need that circle — having a circle of friends is important, and having your kids socialize with other kids is important,” Agnew adds. “Thankfully it’s starting to open up now and we can do those things again.”