Dad fears ex’s reaction to son’s accidental marijuana exposure
This week a father is concerned about the reaction of his volatile ex- wife when she discovers that their 13- yearold son inadvertently consumed marijuana.
THIS WEEK’S PARENT TRAP
I know you’ve talked before about open communication between divorced parents regardless of fallout. I’ve come across a situation recently that will lead to months of texts, calls and litigation on the part of my ex- wife. Worse yet, my son ( who’s 13) will be grilled endlessly and caught in the middle of my ex- wife’s rants. My son was with me at a party last weekend; the people there were mostly close friends, their kids and a few single buddies. My son and his friend were given full access to the fridge and ended up eating a pot brownie one of my friends had brought over. Luckily someone noticed what was happening and they didn’t eat much, but my son was pretty affected. We talked about what happened and he’s really worried about his mom finding out, not because it’s his fault, but because he knows I’ll never hear the end of it. How critical is it that I share this with my ex, and what’s worse, the pressure of keeping a secret or dealing with another battle between his mom and I?
Battle Weary Dad, Vancouver
YOUR TWO CENTS
Make a sincere apology. And, promise you’ll think carefully about the entertainment at your next party involving your child.
Sophia, Vancouver
There are worse things than your adolescent accidentally eating a pot brownie. What’s sad is the fact that your exwife has created an environment where you can’t be honest about it. Exposing your son to her rants is damaging and it may be better to just not go there.
Jeff, North Vancouver
The truth is always the best, no matter the outcome. He should have known better than to leave his brownies in the fridge where his son could get his hands on it. Way to go dad.
Beth, Vancouver
MICHELE KAMBOLIS SAYS …
In a city famous for tolerating pot consumption of all varieties, the number of incidents of children accidentally consuming THC is shocking. With marijuana securing a place in the treatment of serious ailments and the legalization of marijuana gaining momentum, both lawmakers and parents are facing serious challenges. Regardless of one’s views on the marijuana debate, we can all agree that the endangerment of kids is another matter altogether.
How to handle the situation? First, while your fractured relationship with your ex- wife poses a great deal of stress for both you and your son, the pot brownie incident falls within the camp of child safety and you’ll need to have an upfront discussion.
Second, use this as a teaching moment and explain to your son your stance on marijuana use. Clearly you’re accepting of your friends’ choice. Your son may take this as a cue that marijuana is cool with you. Whatever your views, make sure you conduct some research on the implications of marijuana on the developing body, including brain chemistry, fertility, respiratory system, blood pressure and emotion regulation. Including your son in this process gives you something far beyond brownie points; it is credibility.
Third, it’s time to speak with your son about putting honesty above and beyond your fear of negative consequences. You want him to know that while his mother may have questions and even become emotional, he doesn’t need to keep secrets on your behalf. He also needs permission to redirect her questions back to you, which may mean reminding her about the importance of your own lines of communication.
Fourth, ensure your son is neither exposed directly to pot or to your friends who may be high on their latest date with Betty Crocker. Let your ex know that you take this seriously and that you’re taking every precaution to ensure it doesn’t happen again.
NEXT WEEK’S PARENT TRAP
My 15- year- old daughter absolutely refuses to sleep in her own room, and over the past three years has developed the bad habit of crawling into bed with my husband and I, almost on a nightly basis. It’s now the only way she’ll get to sleep; we’ve tried everything to get her to sleep in her own room but she only stays up all night when confined to her own space, which severely affects her mood and school work. This was never a problem when she was growing up; in fact, she’s always been very independent and enjoyed spending time alone. She won’t confide in us any feelings or experiences that led to this regression, and while I’m more worried than anything, my husband is losing patience very quickly and it’s affecting our marriage — you can imagine the impact it’s had on our sex life. How can I get her back into her own room when it’s time for lights out?
Losing at Lights Out, Vancouver