Love among the cubicles
Office relationships work well when the smitten behave professionally
So, you’re in a relationship with a coworker? Congratulations, you’ve managed to find love without the torments of speed dating, blind dating or Internet matchmaking.
Yes, you have to be careful and yes, you’re risking your reputation and maybe even your livelihood if something goes terribly wrong. But for many of us, the pluses by far outweigh the minuses. I met my husband at work in the early 1990s, in a midsized office where at least four other women in their 20s and 30s also met their future spouses, and I highly recommend the experience. Among the pluses: You get to know someone before dating them: Is she good in a crisis? Is he loyal to his team?
You get the backstory: How, say, your seemingly happy- go- lucky coworker volunteers at a homeless shelter or mentors the office intern.
You get a relatively high level of seriousness and sincerity: Who wants to risk their work friendships or their boss’s good opinion for a fling?
“In the office, you’re generally not looking for love, so whatever happens is organic,” says Stephanie Loseecoauthor of Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding and Managing Romance on the Job. Her book is filled with stories of unlikely couples ( the intellectual and the frat boy, the pushy salesman and the appalled supervisor) that came together at work.
“You have [ the opportunity for] this sort of old- fashioned courting,” Losee says. “That’s why it results in so many marriages.”
Also helpful, Losee says, is the builtin matchmaker. Human resources ( or the equivalent) vetted both of you for compatible talents and traits. That’s probably a more reliable gauge of compatibility than, say, a glance across a crowded bar.
According to surveys quoted in Office Mate, about 50 per cent of us have dated in the office, and about one- third of those have ended up marrying their co- worker. Among the famous couples that met on the job: U. S. President Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle, who was his adviser when he was an associate at a Chicago law firm.
Still, there are definite dos and don’ts for office dating says Losee, who, like her co- author, Helaine Olen, met her husband at work. Among them: Take it outside. No lovey- dovey work emails or texts. No flirting on company time. It’s great that you found someone, says Losee, but it’s your job to make people comfortable.
Avoid office hookups: Losee characterize these as “stupid,” although she acknowledges that 20- somethings may get a little more leeway than 30- somethings in others.
No serial dating: People will root for you if you have one serious office romance that fails, or maybe even two. At some point, though, you’re pressing your luck.
“You’re forced to be a grown- up on the highest level — and I don’t think that’s a bad thing,” Losee says. “You have to conduct yourself with real integrity.”