Son’s high school courses put anxiety to the test

THIS WEEK’S PARENT TRAP

I’ve watched my son deal with testtaking anxiety since he was in Grade 1 and he’s now in Grade 11. Not only has he been compromised academically, the emotional upheaval has impacted the whole family. Anytime there’s a major test my ex- wife and I are dealing with irritability, sleeplessness and “checking out,” despite our best efforts with assessments, counselling and whatever else we can offer. The support from his school has been inconsistent: Some teachers are supportive while others are completely insensitive and unwilling to make accommodations. At this point, do we back off ( my preference) or keep advocating like my ex- wife insists? I’d appreciate your input.

John, North Vancouver

YOUR TWO CENTS

A “separate setting” is an accommodation permitted by Ministry of Education for students with test taking anxiety. Extra time is also permitted in certain cases, which could help alleviate the stress.

Jenny, Richmond

Anxiety is a medical condition and should be treated as such. I tried every approach imaginable for my own anxiety symptoms thinking I just wasn’t trying hard enough. Medication has finally given me some relief and I can honestly say “some things are not mind over matter.”

Kim, West Vancouver

MICHELE KAMBOLIS SAYS

While you’re no doubt tired after years of advocacy, Grade 12 is a pivotal year and not an ideal time to withdraw support altogether. First, ensure that whomever your son is working with uses evidencebased methods such as cognitive behavioural treatment ( effective for roughly 75 per cent of cases). Jenny from Richmond adds a valuable point that unrelenting anxiety can often be treated successfully by psychotropic medication, so don’t rule that out. While covering all bases on the treatment front, take further steps to bring the school into the fold. Armed with a letter from your son’s specialist, ask for a school- based team meeting to form a concrete plan of attack: that may include extra test taking time, a separate environment or a scribe ( someone to write down your son’s answers). Finally, rule out a hidden learning disorder — it’s not uncommon for youth with written output problems or other learning concerns to have severe anxiety. Once you’ve taken the most supportive treatment route, you can back off with good conscience. How much of your help he wants to enlist after that will be grounded in the knowledge you’ve practised conscientious parenting.

NEXT WEEK’S PARENT TRAP

This is less of a parent trap and more of an issue of ... I’m trapped by my parents! I know I’m supposed to feel connected to my parents in some way, but truthfully I’m just not and I don’t think I ever have been. I’m just waiting my time out until I can move out, and I honestly doubt I’ll ever really want to see my parents much after that. They’re not even bad people and know this bothers them, but I just don’t have a connection with them at all — I have a hard time even liking them. I know parents have to love their kids, but do kids have to love their parents?

Emancipated Emma, West Vancouver

ADD YOUR TWO CENTS

Share your advice or a Parent Trap of your own by email: mkambolis@ me. com