The Golden Glug Awards
Here’s a party game for adults watching the Golden Globes
So far, returning hostesses with the mostesses Amy Poehler and Tina Fey have promised “feet- tweeting” and round tables as featured elements of the 71st annual Golden Globe Awards on Sunday night. They have also asserted that drinking “can help with laughing.”
Well, who doesn’t need a laugh these days? Herewith, celebrity drinking, loosely translated for your own enjoyment at home:
How to play
Each person in the room must choose to be someone in the ballroom. Whenever “you” appear on screen, everyone else has to drink to you and congratulate you on your nomination. If they can’t remember what you were nominated for, they have to have a shot ( of your preferred beverage) and come up with a believable excuse on the spot (“I was totally getting into character for my next role as a Buddhist and was living with a guru in India — but I heard you were GREAT!”).
Comedy or drama?
This year, the nominees for drama and comedy are indistinguishable as the heavyweight films such as Her, American Hustle, Wolf of Wall Street, Inside Llewyn Davis and Nebraska are all nominated in the comedy category while Rush, Philomena, Gravity, Captain Phillips and 12 Years a Slave are nominated for drama. Quickly try to identify which category the talent on screen is nominated in. Chances are 50- 50 you’ll be right. If you’re wrong, shrug your shoulders and come up with a great quip such as “comedy is tragedy plus time” or Aaron Allston’s “tragedy is something awful happening to somebody else, while comedy is something awful happening to somebody else.”
George Clooney
We can’t be him. And it’s sad. So every time his handsome mug appears on screen, hoist a glass to the man who said “I do enjoy drinking … at times too much.”
Potty breaks
While everyone is free to get up and use the washroom, or whatever, during the commercials, remember that real celebrities have to be paying attention in case their name is called. If you are not in the room when your avatar appears on screen, you have to drink whatever the group decides when you get back. ( If you can accurately describe a body part of your favourite celebrity without clothes on, you get a free pass).
‘ Champagning’
Real celebrities may have to meet a member of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, the organization that hands out the awards. This is a very closed group of “journalists” and hasn’t let in a member since Pope Pius IX — who, is also, by the way, a member ( for the free stuff). To approximate the sensation of talking to a member of the HFPA, call your oldest relative to thank them for the last birthday present they sent you. If they never sent you a present, call them anyway and try to make them feel guilty so they give you one next time. And call them the day before your birthday to remind them of their promised gift. This is called campaigning. So why not turn it into “champagning?” By this point, you’re probably a little slurry anyway.
The hustler
Christian Bale in American Hustle, everyone has to drink except guys with a comb- over.
Movies or TV?
This year’s Globe nominees could pass for A- list gold on any red carpet regardless of their category. Chiwetel Ejiofor isn’t just nominated for 12 Years a Slave, he’s also in the running for best actor in a TV miniseries for Dancing on the Edge. And Matt Damon and Michael Douglas? They’re duking it out in the same category, alongside Al Pacino ( Phil Spector) and Idris Elba ( Luther), who just happens to be nominated for his work in Mandela. Even celebrities can get confused over who worked on which project, but with two speeches in your pocket, you could be begging for humiliation. At this point, each avatar must weigh in on the pros and cons of each medium. Downton Abbey fans, this is your moment of glory.
Quotables
At the end of the night, everyone in the room must give a brief, heartfelt, articulate, quotable speech thanking their boss ( bonus points if you can remember their spouse’s name and work it in). The one with the best speech ( as voted by the group) wins!