Harrowing tale of horrors of war examines human will to survive
My Heart Is Not My Own is a novel set during the Sierra Leone civil war and its aftermath. Canadian doctor John Roarke searches for his friend Mariama in the ravaged country after receiving her diary describing the horrors she witnessed at the height of rebel fighting. The book explores the impact of traumatic events and our individual and communal strength to thrive despite them. Michael Wuitchik is a writer and psychologist who lives in Victoria, B. C.
Q What inspired you to write the book?
A On a trip to Sierra Leone during the decade- long civil war I visited a refugee camp for amputees. In a journey that had many incredible moments I can remember one in particular: looking into the eyes of a young woman. I’ve never seen eyes like hers, before or since. I wanted to tell a story that captured at least part of her experience.
Q How did your perceptions of Sierra Leone and its civil war change when you began to visit there and interact with its citizens?
A When I first visited in 2000 we couldn’t get out of Freetown because the rebels were threatening to invade the city again. The rebels had overrun the city twice by then and everyone was traumatized. We heard stories of lootings, murder, rape and people burned alive in their homes. At the time, I had a fair bit of clinical experience with patients who had been traumatized, but I had never witnessed it on such a large scale.
I’ve since returned on four or five occasions to write My Heart is Not My Own and my experience has been entirely different. I regularly travel throughout the country with just a driver, something we couldn’t and wouldn’t have done in 2000. I love spending time in the country. Sierra Leoneans are by nature playful, resilient, curious and welcoming.
My biggest disappointment in travelling back to Sierra Leone is that the country is so full of foreign NGOs and foreign mining interests that the people remain dependent and with little hope for the future. The foreign mining interests have left a dangerous sense in the country that politicians are filling their pockets while regular Sierra Leoneans are no better off. I still see lots of unemployed angry young men that resent that the hills around Freetown have sprouted ‘ mansions’ owned by politicians.
Q The female voices within the book — especially Mariama’s — are extremely strong. More so, perhaps, than the protagonist’s. Why did you purposely place women at the heart of the story? What do you hope readers take from these characters?
A It is really a story with two protagonists. This goes back to the young woman in the refugee camp — it was primarily her story that spoke to me. At the risk of stereotyping, Sierra Leonean women, like women just about everywhere, have a way of putting practicalities in the forefront. The men like to drink poyo ( palm wine) and talk politics and complain about the government. The women realize there are meals to prepare and clothes to wash and children to raise regardless of who is in power. They work constantly, bent at the waist while doing laundry in a stream or over their cooking fires, and they typically sing as they do both. Frankly, Sierra Leonean women are an inspiration to me so I guess it is no surprise that Mariama is strong. Q Did your career as a psychologist affect how you wrote each character? A Yes, very much so. I’ve always noticed that the extent of trauma isn’t the most critical factor in the development of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Most people don’t develop PTSD after trauma. In my novel, the Canadian physician Dr. John Rourke develops an undiagnosed PTSD while in Sierra Leone. He witnessed traumatic events but it was the meaning of these events that caused the disorder. Mariama Lahai, on the other hand, experienced far greater objective trauma at the hands of the rebels, but I didn’t give her a PTSD in the story. Mariama’s beliefs about life and family and God somehow buffered her. She had things to do: she needed to survive, and so she did.
Q Some of the scenes in My Heart Is Not My Own are a harrowing, albeit accurate, description of the atrocities that occurred. What was your writing process when dealing with these acts? How did you prepare for writing about sexual assault from a female perspective?
A I wrote that scene and other traumatic parts while in Sierra Leone. They are the scenes that often came spontaneously and which I have edited least. I sat at a corner table with paint peeling off the walls, but I had a beautiful view of the ocean. I often wept when I wrote and I may have drunk a little wine ( I don’t usually drink when I write). Q How did you write about sexual assault from a woman’s perspective? A Somehow I had to let myself be Mariama. I let myself feel very vulnerable and scared. And I tried to write how she might have coped by dissociating from the physical experience. I tried to write something about the essence of her character, something her tormentors couldn’t take away from her. Q Tell us about some of the reactions to the book you have experienced. A The very best reactions have been from women ( and some men) that I’ve never met. For some, it is because they’ve had an experience either similar to that of Mariama, or because they want to share their own experience of a developing country. Sometimes they say they couldn’t put it down, or they met someone like Mohamed ( Rourke’s enigmatic driver), or they want to know when my next book is coming out. Some have told me that reading the story helped them to heal. I appreciate those comments very much.
Q What draws people to read challenging books about the horrors or war, or human experience?
A I’ve heard it said that people read fiction because they want to laugh or cry — preferably both. I think people are also drawn to a challenge. They want a book that will take them to a far away place or one that will grapple with the issues they face every day. I don’t think people are drawn so much to the horrors of war as they are to how people like themselves deal with the challenges — how the characters fall, get up, and reconstruct themselves. Q What do you hope readers take from My Heart is Not My Own? A I hope readers are inspired. Rourke, who is very flat because he numbs himself emotionally, has to return to a place that traumatized him. He does so because, in addition to finding whether Mariama survived, he must rediscover something about himself. And I hope readers take from Mariama something about the will to survive and endure that exists in all of us. In many ways My Heart is Not My Own is a women’s story.