10 things you shouldn’t do at road checks

File this craziness under stupid human tricks. Victoria Police Department Const. Graeme Leblanc shares 10 things you shouldn’t do at road checks — all based on actual incidents.

10. Drive up with a crack pipe in one hand and a lighter in the other, while you have crack and heroin in your pocket.

9. U- turn before a roadblock and flee from police, get caught and end up providing breath samples of 0.26 and 0.27 — that’s more than three times the legal limit.

8. Pretend you can’t see the officer or the roadblock and drive through without stopping. Keep fleeing from police, get caught and end up providing breath samples of .08 and .07.

7. Have a beer in your hand as you drive up to the roadblock. When confronted by the officer, put the beer in the centre console and deny any knowledge.

6. As you are driving up to a roadblock, forget to stop, smash into the vehicle in front of you at 50 km/ h and push that car into a third vehicle — all because you are so drunk you have trouble walking. You pretend you can’t speak English and refuse to provide a breath sample.

5. As you approach the roadblock, use your truck to do a Dukes of Hazzard manoeuvre to get over the centre median. Dump your vehicle and flee from police. Do all of this because you are impaired and breaching your bail conditions.

4. Arrive at a roadblock when you are prohibited from driving as a result of a previous impaired driving charge. Unfortunately, the same officer that dealt with you on that earlier impaired incident is at the roadblock and recognizes you. Watch as your wife ( with a valid licence) and your two kids leave on foot to walk the rest of the way home. Make a sad face to the police officer as your Audi A4 gets impounded for 60 days.

3. Drive up to a roadblock while the woman in the back seat — not your wife — tries desperately to put her pants back on. The car reeks of marijuana. When the officer opens the driver’s door, your baggie of coke can be seen in the door’s map pocket. In addition to the cocaine, you also have marijuana and hash.

2. Stop 50 metres short of a roadblock and trade places with the driver because he’s drunk and doesn’t have a licence because of his previous impaired charges. Get arrested for impaired driving yourself. Change your mind and provide a written statement to police so you can get your ( now) ex- boyfriend charged as well.

1. As you’re speaking to the officer, she notes a smell of fresh marijuana. You’re arrested and when the vehicle is searched, police find a small amount of pot and almost $ 24,000 in cash in a backpack. The money is the profits from selling drugs. All the money is forfeited to Revenue Canada for unpaid back taxes.