A brief treatise on fatherhood

Fatherhood, at its most fundamental biological level, is defined by one thing — provision of the male contribution to the creation of life. But, of course, we don’t consider male salmon or salamanders fathers in the same way we do our all- too- human selves because fatherhood proves a far more complex, complicated and even messy concept than simple biology.

Fatherhood is a social construct; it’s a philosophical idea, sometimes romanticized, sometimes ignored, sometimes abused. The role and its perceived duties and responsibilities differ across cultural, ethnic and religious boundaries. “Fatherly” behaviour in one context may be considered as anything but fatherly in another. It’s also an evolutionary construct, both in anthropological and in historical conceptual frameworks. Some aspects of being a father seem universal and timeless; some can be seen to have changed radically over a few generations.

The idea of what makes an ideal father in 21st century Vancouver is not the same as it was in 19th century Vancouver — or in London, Beijing, Mumbai, Lagos or Santiago, for that matter.

Fathers here, not so long ago, deemed their daughters unworthy of an education. And many a son of a certain age — those born when the notion still prevailed that children should be seen but not heard in a climate of fatherly reserve — will regretfully confess that as a child he seldom had an intimate conversation with his father of the kind that is now a commonplace expectation.

Fathers didn’t do housework, they didn’t involve themselves in child rearing; most defined their roles in terms of work, income, discipline, leadership and so on. Today, many fathers’ own expectations include sharing housework and intimate involvement in the rearing and nurturing of children as a partnership.

So fatherhood turns out to be an evolving process rather than a fixed condition. It changes to accommodate new societal roles which range from single parenting to blended families and acquired families. A biological father may not be considered a “father” at all if he fails to fulfil these socially defined roles. And a man can be a father without fathering anyone — many can think of a profound father- figure that had no biological connection, from an avuncular in- law to a sports coach, a concerned teacher or a work mentor.

Read the far- flung tributes to fathers that occur every Father’s Day and among the most common cited are role- modelling for such values as courage and integrity, direct truthfulness, kindness and respect as a virtue of strength, self- deprecating humour, steadfast commitment and a masculinity that sustains an equilibrium with the feminine.

Indeed, social science increasingly discovers a strong correlation between the involvement of fathers in families and outcomes for children including cognitive ability, educational achievement, psychological well- being and social behaviour. The modelling of a respectful and equal relationship between parents seems to have a crucial impact upon children’s well- being.

Research finds that from birth children who have an involved father are more likely to be emotionally secure, confident in exploring and to have better social connections with peers. Infants receiving high levels of affection from fathers — babies whose fathers respond quickly to distress and who play with them — are more securely attached and with that comes greater confidence in exploration and diminished separation anxiety. Fathers, researchers say, contribute substantially to children learning how to regulate feelings and behaviour, particularly how to deal with aggressive impulses while maintaining emotional control. Mothers are a powerful influence for nurturing values; fathers are achievement oriented and this balance in modelling, it seems, leads to secure, bold, confident and compassionate adults — just what any country hopes its citizens will be.

So here’s to fathers everywhere. Thanks for all that you do. Enjoy your day. You deserve it.