For Pete’s sake, stop apologizing
Saving face: Saying ‘ I’m sorry’ has become an industry
Today we humbly offer a little wishful thinking about what seems to be a disturbing new trend, especially among the celebrated: The public apology. In case you hadn’t noticed, our obsession with blurting our major truths, once- secret thoughts and on- the- spot opinions on all manner of social media — that is to say, sharing what we think with the world without actually thinking — has given rise to an industry of back- pedalling.
Nothing much goes unrecorded these days and so it seems that, almost every day, we are regaled by yet another stumbling hand- wringing regret, usually uttered by someone of fame, dubious and otherwise, who has been caught out doing such imbecilic things as uttering homophobic slurs, drunk driving, shoplifting, wearing inappropriate Halloween costumes, yelling at their children, consorting with hookers, canoodling with someone who isn’t their spouse and, well, the list goes on.
Is that another pro athlete apologizing for losing both the big game and his temper? And, oh dear, another comedian so sorry for being ironically funny. And, you guessed it, another politician du jour resigning for, well, politicizing.
Yes, yes, some public apologies are warranted. Murder, sexual assault, fraud, child abuse — these are the transgressions that require open- air atonement.
But so many public apologies these days are being spouted by those simply scrambling to save face, and their bank balance, in the wake of actions and comments that, in the time before the all- consuming selfie, would have barely raised an eyebrow.
Some examples, ripped, as they say, from the headlines:
Who can forget Vancouver yoga scion Chip Wilson, who had the temerity to suggest that some women should not wear his firm’s skin- tight tights.
And then rocker Bono of U2, who apologized to the universe for allowing iTunes to download his band’s latest album, Songs of Innocence, free of charge to account holders, whether they were U2 fans or not.
And Twilight actress Kristen Stewart, who begged public forgiveness for cheating on longtime boyfriend and fellow Twilight hottie Robert Pattinson with the director of her movie, Snow White and The Huntsman.
And then there’s Julianne Hough, star of Dancing With The Stars and some really bad movies, who apologized last Halloween for dressing up as Crazy Eyes, a character in the Netflix hit, Orange Is the New Black. Hough wore blackface and an orange jumpsuit, because Crazy Eyes is an incarcerated black woman.
What, exactly, were these people apologizing for?
Wilson was right. Many women who wear yoga pants have no business doing so, no business hitting the streets with a transparent backside that looks less like it has benefited from a downward dog and more like two cats fighting in a pillowcase.
Bono? Despite being an insufferable git ( and, no, I will not retract that opinion), he shared his music with 500 million iTunes subscribers around the world. For free. Don’t like U2? I’m with you. But apologize? Ridiculous.
Stewart’s apology might have been warranted, but it should have been made privately to Pattinson and not the world. She had an affair. Yawn. Their business, not ours.
As for Hough, a white woman, she was slammed for insensitivity to the history of racial inequality. Interestingly, Billy Crystal didn’t apologize for his blackface turn as Sammy Davis Jr. at the 2012 Oscars. Nor did the black Wayans brothers for acting in whiteface in the movie White Chicks. Nor did Eddie Murphy, or Robert Downey Jr., because, like Hough, they were all in makeup, not a minstrel show. Common sense clearly is no longer one of the litmus tests determining social offence, which is why apologizing has suddenly become an industry, as well as the subject of books and a new genre of consultants hired to extract miscreants from the quagmire.
Actor Shia LaBeouf, himself something of a public apologist for his bad boy failings, calls the public apology the new celebrity art form, and he’s immortalized the trend in a performance art piece titled #IAmSorry.
Just last week, an aide to a Republican congressman apologized after posting a Facebook criticism of U. S. President Barack Obama’s daughters over their dress and demeanour during the annual televised Thanksgiving turkey pardon at the White House.
Elizabeth Lauten posted that the girls, 16- year- old Malia and 13- year- old Sasha, were lacking “class” ( or what the Gawker website referred to as “teen contempt”) with their fidgeting and obvious disinterest during the ceremony.
Lauten also suggested the girls, given their command performances at such highprofile appearances and given that they are daughters of the POTUS, might want to “dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at a bar.”
OK, a little harsh. But she wasn’t wrong, and it was hardly bullying, of which she was immediately accused. No matter. On Monday, Lauten was jobless.
When did we all get so sensitive? And judgmental? And whatever happened to backbone, to saying what you mean and then sticking to your guns, regardless of the blow back?
And since when did voicing an unpopular opinion mean always having to say you’re sorry?