Tips for discussing traumatic events with children

1. Don’t be afraid to share your own emotions “Parents’ tears show their children that crying is a natural reaction to emotional pain and loss. Children can then be more comfortable sharing their own feelings,” said Rosemary Reilly, an associate professor in Applied Human Sciences at Concordia University who has a special interest in helping adults support children after traumatic events.

2. Be honest and encourage questions It is important for parents to create an atmosphere of reassurance and openness. “This gives the message that there is no right or wrong way to feel,” Reilly said.

3. Encourage different types of emotional expression Reilly suggests that children who may have trouble verbalizing their feelings can be encouraged to express themselves through writing or art.

4. Watch for warning signs Children who appear emotionally numb, depressed or have persistent sleeping and eating disturbances might need professional support. In older children, watch for drug or alcohol abuse, fighting and risky sexual behaviour.

5. Read up Reilly suggests the following books for parents who want to learn more about helping their children cope with trauma and grieving:

• Bereaved Children and Teens: A support guide for parents and professionals. By Earl Grollman. Beacon Press, 1996

• 35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child. Dougy Center for Grieving Children, 1999

• Children’s Grief: A Guide for Parents. By Pam Heaney. Longacre, 2004

• Helping Teens Work Through Grief. By Mary Kelly Perschy. Accelerated Development, 2004

• Healing a Teen’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas for Families, Friends and Caregivers. By Alan D. Wolfelt. Companion Press, 2001