Henrik’s back to old self
Harrison Mooney says: In fi rst 25 games of season he’s consistent
With 24 points in 25 games, the Sedin twins appear to be back to their point- per- game selves, which bodes well for the Vancouver Canucks’ hopes of making the National Hockey League playoffs, and making some noise once they get there. But there’s another, more concerning way to look at the numbers.
While it is true that Henrik’s back to his old self, it’s difficult to say which old self. After all, while his numbers through the first 25 games are a drastic improvement over the last 25 under John Tortorella, in which Henrik had just 11 points, they’re not a big spike over his production in the first 25 under Tortorella.
They’re identical, in fact, as TSN 1040’ s Jeff Paterson pointed out recently: Six goals. 18 assists. 24 points. And two years ago, in Alain Vigneault’s final season here, it was the same. Henrik Sedin through 25: six goals. 18 assists. 24 points.
It’s eerie, and it’s confusing. On the one hand, it completely undercuts the notion that this season is going to be different for the Sedins, or that it already has been. The evidence doesn’t really support that. But on the other hand, this is some startling consistency — something for which the Sedins have always been known.
So, in the interest of putting a positive spin on a somewhat disconcerting number, we decided to dig deeper. Henrik has put up identical early numbers across three seasons. But what about across universes?
Using some high- tech equipment, cutting- edge science, and the hidden power of advanced stats ( you didn’t think they just counted shot attempts, did you?), we were able to examine Henrik Sedin’s production across thousands of universes, and the results are surprising. In a whopping 77 per cent of the universes we investigated, Henrik Sedin has six goals, 18 assists and 24 points through his first 25 NHL games. It’s truly incredible, how consistent a performer he is.
But what about these universes, you might ask, that fall outside the 77 per cent? Good question. It would be foolish for us to go this indepth into the Henrik Sedin multiverse and withhold some of our stranger, more interesting findings. So here’s a selection of what Henrik’s up to after 25 games in the anomalous universes:
• In Universe 321G, Henrik Sedin has three goals and 21 assists.
• In Universe 222X, Henrik Sedin is a natural goal- scorer, and an elite one, at that. He boasts 18 goals and just six assists. That may only tie Tyler Seguin’s 18 goals in this universe, but in that universe, Seguin only has 17 goals. For the Boston Bruins.
• In Universe 55455, Henrik Sedin is a vampire rarely seen but known to all, and rightly feared. He’s said to stalk the streets at night, seeking sustenance. But he’s careful not to expose himself, as he’s hunted day and night by his twin brother, Daniel. Henrik’s never even heard of hockey.
• In Universe 3, Henrik Sedin has no goals and just two assists, but 112 penalty minutes. His brother Daniel has two goals and two assists, his brother Stefon has nine goals and four assists, and his brother Coco has three goals and 15 assists. In this universe, every member of the Canucks is a Sedin, save for the all- star tandem on their first line: Playmaking centre Roberto Luongo and left- wing sniper Cory Schneider.
• In Universe 100B, Henrik Sedin is a penguin. Like, a literal penguin. But he still has six goals, 18 assists, and 24 points in 25 games for the Canucks. No one else in this universe is a penguin.
• In Universe 55F, people stopped keeping track of Henrik’s statistics ages ago. After 14 straight Stanley Cups, it seemed sort of pointless.
• In Universe 667M, the Sedins are actually sisters, which makes their two Art Ross trophies all the more impressive.
• Universe 4423 is the universe where soccer is the most popular sport in Canada and the Sedins are twin strikers for the Vancouver Whitecaps.
• In Universe 79, a “Sedin” is a type of sandwich. If you order a Henrik Sedin, you get ham on the sandwich and if you order a Daniel Sedin, you get turkey.
• In Universe 1111111111, Henrik Sedin has evolved beyond hockey. He cannot be bothered with trivial games. He is designing a planet, which he calls “Earth,” and will be full of clean air, water, and life of all kinds.
• In Universe 2534, Henrik Sedin runs a blog on the lives of Harrison Mooney and Daniel Wagner, and writes a Saturday column full of dumb jokes and observations about what they got up to that week.
• In Universe 12, Henrik and Daniel Sedin aren’t skaters — they’re the goalie tandem for the Vancouver Canucks, and let me tell you, the goaltending controversy is out of control.